[Space filler for when i come up with a good title]

I probably never will.
Come up with a good title for this post, that is.
That's because today's post is gonna be looooong.
Long post is looong.

So many things i need to say, so many feelings i wanna convey.
You hurrrt me bad girl.
Naw im kidding, no girl hurt me bad. Just felt like i was having a boyband moment with the first line.
I can feel that this post is gonna be stuuupid.
Stupid post is stuuuuupid.


Anyhoo, sorry for the delay in posting. I would say "i have a social life" but we all know that's not true and therefore not a legitimate reason for not posting. So i shall put forward the less speculative reason "I got chased by bees and had to stay submerged in a swimming pool for 2 weeks, breathing in and out of a straw."

Also apologising if my post is somewhat dry. I feel kinda crappy right now, i just got back from church and the pastor is a total poofter. What a poofter is is irrelevant right now, what is is that he was soooo out of point. I mean, one moment he was talking about commitment and God and the next he was telling us about his Wing Chun style Martial Arts descendancy, and how his great grandmother once sent 9 guys flying with a flying kick. That was one sermon i would've rather slept through.

So firstly, i would like to proudly announce that Playworks/Logitech Singapore are pussy companies. Remember like last year i took part in that design competition i got 4th place in because they were retarded? Here's alittle reminder.



So yeah, apparently the little bastards went and printed out my design and sold it to people. Or something. Because my cousin said she saw someone using it the other day. I'm cool with it, because it's cool when people like my stuff, but why aren't i getting anything? Wankers.
Wanking Company is waaaaanking.


2nd thing i wanna rant about is my Aunt. She went and asked my Dad if i was GAY. And she was like telling him to "check". How do you check if someone is gay, get a guy to give him a kiss and see if he likes it? Lawd. Anyhoo, I'm straighter than she'll ever be. She used to be like, a stewardess. She's prolly had her fair share of "crazy nights lezzing out."

You know, i felt so good about who i was. I like my scrawny build. I like my stupid eyebags. I like the way i dance. I like my speech pattern, and my sense of humor, and also my nature. More than like, i love everything about myself. But then she totally shook my foundation with that comment. When i look at myself, i see a confident funny person. When she looks at me, she probably sees a skinny zombie who dances gay, speaks gay, and acts gay. Why i have no idea. Maybe it's because i have never had a girlfriend. What's wrong with being picky and not going on like, girlfriend hopping sprees and breaking hearts along the way? I just don't get her.

Maybe it's no one who gets me.

Uh oh

Here it comes

uh uh UHHHHH


CRAAAAWWWLING IIIIN MY SKKIIIIIIN
THEEESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEAAAAL!!!

Come get me you pussy

Booy, oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Oh boyyyy.


Oh boy.


I'm somewhat high after a VERY satisfying dota game (running around with 400hp challenging the only enemy left to 'come get me you pussy!!!!' is my idea of satisfying) So you get an obligatory post. Also, i finished up my common tests today, i think i did awesome. Not "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" awesome, more like, "Little league of somewhat mediocre pricks" awesome. But meh.

You get goodies! First, is i put a Bump of Chicken song i like here. Here are the lyrics. I found them really meaningful, and they motivate me when i feel under-motivated. The intro is about 1min long tho, but give em some time :) They need a whole min to go into ROCK OUT mode! It's below. Please take 5mins out of your life to listen to it. I know that during that 5mins there is a chance you might find the cure for cancer. But this is more important than cancer. More important than AIDS, even.

Anyhoo, what's next on my Agenda...? Oh yes! New video thingy. I found it funny. Then again, i think taunting my opponents in DOTA using slangs for female genitalia is funny.

Will do all my ranting tomorrow, it's 1am and my bed beckons. Tata~

Enjoy BOC!


Stage Of the Ground- Bump Of Chicken (Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma [www.centigrade-j.com] )

One summer day,
I learned I didn't have wings when I tried to fly.
The day I realized,
I'd sacrificed an old dream,
to be standing here on the ground now.

never again to reach
that moon or those stars
because they're in a place outside my reach
and I know very well where I stand.

unable to fly, you'll walk.
and if we run into despair
we'll hold hands.
if you're trying to laugh through the miserable nights
I'll sing for you. Loo Lala

It's right that you should go on,
even as you lose your way,
even as you make mistakes.
the ground you stand upon,
don't you see, your path lay in all 360 degrees.

Stage of the Ground

When you come to a standstill,
at the end of loneliness
and remove the cover from your canteen
your face will clearly show the sum of
your encounters and partings.

Eveytime you count the tears shed
by someone passing by,
you wish you "were kinder"
but I think you're the kindest of all...
Loo lala

all the fragments of prayer
entrusted to your feet
scream out with a strained voice
that you've made it this far, be proud of it

Stage of the Ground

If you walk as you pick up the pebbles
which cause you to stumble
Your eyes will light up once more.

This tiny you, is the center of a space
that goes on to infinity.

The dream that scattered, when it protected you
it's looking down on you
from the stands in the night sky.
even if you're weak, in your pursuit for strength
It'll sing for you Loo lala

that moon, and those stars
they're all lighting your stage
scream out with a strained voice
that you're standing there.

The light shines on you,
on days you lose your way ,
and days you make mistakes
the ground you stand on,
don't you see, anyday of the 365 days a year

Stage of the Ground

I'll sing for you, lu lala faggot

Why doesn't anyone see how awesome BOC (Bump of Chicken) is? Cos, you're all faggots.
OBVIOUSLY any band that got started when the members were 14 is awesome.
Can you imagine? The leader at a young age of 14 told his friends "Let's make a band that will change the history of rock."
And they did.
But you fags don't appreciate them.
Faggy faggy fagfaces.

That said, IT'S THE HOLIDAYZ!!!
Well, kinda. Got a few common tests next week.
But common tests are like rectal exams. You can't study for them, you just have to clamp down REAL TIGHT as they shove a pole 20cm up your ass.
Okay. I lied.
Common tests are more like driving tests. You can't study for them, you just have to hope you don't hit any cats on the road, and slip the instructor a twenty.
Still no? Okay.
Common tests are like etiquette exams.
People who study for them are FAGS.

That said, today was really fun. Went to the arcade with Boy A, Boy B, Boy C, Faggot A, and Girl A.
Okay so i don't know the names of my friends. HAPPY NOW?! Then we went home.

Aaaand here i am.

Wait a minute, this isn't my house.

And that isn't my gorgeous wife!

I couldn't blink till i hit puberty

So. There i was, typing away happily to post this morning, when all of a sudden singnet f**ks up and my whole post gets lost. Major bummer. Cant remember what i was writing, but if i had to backtrack 9 hours, it would probably go like this:

"It's 10am, and i just spent 1 hour painting my room. I was violently awoken, and forced up a ladder with dust still in my eyes, and made to paint my ceiling. I would like to say that this is the first time but it isn't, this has been happening for the past 2 weeks on everyday when i dont have to start school till noon+. You might be asking how i could possibly have that much ceiling to paint. Well, i had to paint the kitched last week, and my hall this week. And i had to scrape off all the old paint, and you know how manual labour hurts my faggy hands! I wish i could get ahold of those retard kids Tom Sawyer tricked into painting his fence for him. Dammit! And there is paint on my face, fingers, toes, and unmentionables."

Well, shortly after i cursed Singnet and gently wept to myself, i had to go bathe and get ready for school. Unfortunately because i bent down to pick something off the floor, my little sister beat me to the punch and got into the shower and locked the door. Dammeet! At that point, i had two options:
A)Bathe late, be late for school, or better yet, don't go.
B)Take a bath in my parent's bathroom.

You might be thinking "What's wrong with B)?" But the sad truth is, my parents have this super crappy water heater, so i would have had to take a cold shower. And i haven't taken a cold shower since, uhh, since secondary school probably. Cold water is my kryptonite. Well anyhoo, i decided to risk it.

It was cold. Like ice all over my body. I coughed, sputtered, repeatedly cried out to God and laughed alittle at what a fag i am simultaneously.

When i came out of the shower my mom was like "I heard the strangest noises coming for the bathroom. Why were you laughing? Crazy boy."

I'm never taking a cold shower EVER AGAIN.

I can't think of a good title now

Man, it's almost 1am and i have ta go to church in 8 hours. So i'm gonna say the same thing the doctor said to coicoi on his circumcision day: "Let's keep this short."

AIGHT AIGHT AIGHT!!! Today for absolutely no reason i'm gonna write about cooking. Few know this about me, but i am quite handy around the kitchen. I am also quite footy around the dance floor, but lets save that story for another time.

My signature dish is the 8 IMPERIAL TREASURE SHEN LONG SZECHUAN TRIPLE BOILED STYLE MAGGI MEE.

I wish i could show a picture of it, but i can't. It's just too awesome, and uploading the picture might result in the crash of the entire internet.

Instead, here's a pic of Ikki's reaction to my 8 IMPERIAL TREASURE SHEN LONG SZECHUAN TRIPLE BOILED STYLE MAGGI MEE. (Click to full view)



What did i tell you. I'm a culinary genius! Although i'm working on the recipe. Hoping to add another treasure, which will make it the 9 IMPERIAL TREASURE SHEN LONG SZECHUAN TRIPLE BOILED STYLE MAGGI MEE.

I'm now going to say the same thing the doctor said to coicoi after cutting his peepee:

"Goodbye, and make sure to put some ice on it."

This is my study break

2 weeks overdue but:


Get cho fire BANG by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART

You know the drill... i have some official things to take care of.

Firstly, my blog tagboard's shit hit the fan. So i got another. Help me fill it up please. Everytime you tag, i mercy kill a dying horse named Bluestreak. Or maybe Sugarlump. I forget.

To Ming Tiong, thanks for always reading my blog. I'm glad that it is of interest to you. I would say more, but my sister ruined my train of thought by singing "Bicycle, biiiicycle, i want to ride my bicycle.






....BICYCLE! BICYCLE!!!"


Terence, i quote your blog:

Ps. "Oh Boohoo cry me a river, bitch"
was widely used by twang kuanyi.
its an honour to be able to use it in my blog.
AS IF YOU BITCH.
CRY ME A RIVER.

And i just had to ask. Are you hitting on me?

Aaaanyway. Now that thats out of the way. This is my study break. Just so you all know i'm working really hard on a report which was due yesterday. I have dedicated alot of time to it and my brain started to hurt so i'm taking a break. Here's what i have so far.

The Service Level Agreement Structure

SLAs can be divided into 3 structure levels: Service based, Customer based and Multi-level SLAs.

So. Where was I? Oh, i haven't started yet. This is like one of those bad movies with like, a 1/2 an hour prologue and only after the dramatic music plays does the title of the movie show up.

My Superior Inferiority Complex.
I'm better than you... i think.

AIGHT NO MORE SIDETRACKING!!!!

Today i was reading about my star sign, Leo (August 4th, if anyone cares) and do they ever know how to spread butter inbetween my ass cheeks. (Thats a new phrase i made up, clever me) Here are some interesting extracts:

The Leo type is the most dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters. In grandeur of manner, splendor of bearing and magnanimity of personality, they are the monarch's among humans as the lion is king of beasts.

In simple english, I pwn you n00bs.

They have powerful intelligence and are of a broad philosophical, sometimes religious, turn of mind.

I am a genius.

Their faults can be as large in scale as their virtues, and an excessively negative Leonian can be one of the most unpleasant human beings imaginable, displaying extreme arrogance, autocratic pride, haughtiness, and excessive hastiness of temper. *If jealously suspicious of rivals, they will not hesitate to use cunning, lies and trickery to discredit them.

*That's not true. I use cunning, lies and trickery everyday on everyone! But you all just don't know it. Cos i'm really cunning. And good at lying. And i'm a tricky dicky.

"...unlimited sexual lust.."
Now that's just not true.

Your ruling planet is the SUN.

Your starstone is the rich red RUBY, known as a stone of nobility.

Leo is also associated with the Greco-Roman god Apollo and sometimes also the gods Helios/Sol, Ra, and Huitzilopochtli and the goddess Sunna.

.... I AM GOD!!!!!!!

See what i mean? huge ego trip. But anyway, in all honesty i don't believe that the day or time you are born determines who you become. I know alot of lame Leos. Like sexy, who said kenny xia's blog is funnier than mine. But anyway, yeah, all those things don't matter! Don't restrict who you are to what old people with beards who look through telescopes tell you to be. =)

Oh. And they drink, and beat up their children and sodomize each other with their telescopes.

Dreamin' and Singin'

Dreaming and singing, laughing
Crying and dancing
Falling in love
Subete ga chippoke na tsumi kasane
Atsumetara todoku to omou no
Kimi to onaji toki wa itsumo meguru

Kimura Kaela is my new WACHAAAA!
She is super cute and cool.
I have watched her PVs like, a bajillion times.
It should be a crime to be that cute. Here
is a picture of her.


A GODDESS. SHE IS A GODDESS.

The song playing in the background is her second single, Happiness!! I am a sucker for cheerful girls who dance like retards.

Anyway, Kimura is my new WACHAAA!!! for more reasons than that. Today i woke up after watching her PVs like, 10 times last night. I woke up with the song stuck in my head, and i felt freakin cheerful. I retarded danced to my bathroom. And up my stairs. And all the way to my bus. And when i found out my bus left without me, I retarded danced 1km down my long road and continued retard dancing on the bus (which i think seriously freaked out the girl sitting next to me, but whatever! She ain't my new WACHAAA!!!) All while listening to Happiness!!

Anyway, when i reached school i found out that there was no NE today (retard danced) and also later another class got cancelled (more retard dancing ensued.) Then i went to the arcade with ZS and robin, which was really fun. Then i went for dinner with my family to a new restaurant in Turf City. I tell ya, that place is run by commies. They had like a portrait of Mao Tze Tong in their lobby. And pictures of China Soldiers everywhere. And all the waiters and waitresses were chinese. Yeah, i'm chinese too, but they are like, China Chinese. I'm Singaporean Chinese. BIG DIFFERENCE. But the commie chef cooked really good crab, so i let that slide.


My disgusting perversion towards retard girls and my fear of commies aside, a thought struck me today. Thoughts strike me everyday, like the formula for the cure for cancer, and Colonel Sander's secret recipe, but this one was a really good one. It was:

What am i going to do when i get a girlfriend.

I always think of getting one, but i never really thought about what i would do once i hook one in and land her in the boat, and gut her, and fry her up. I spent alot of time thinking about stuff i'd like to do with her (whoever she is). Well firstly when i get a girlfriend i will get her to dance my victory dance infront of all the people who said i'd never get a girlfriend. Thats alot of people, i hope she ain't flat footed. Anyway here is my list:

I wanna take her to a scary movie so i can leap into her arms and cry like a little girl.

I wanna take her to a romantic movie, because i don't bring my own tissue paper and she can hold me when i cry.

I wanna go to a quiet place and share a pair of earphones with her (she gets right and i get left) and listen to all my favourite songs. Oh yeah and hers.

I wanna go with her to East Coast Park and take her to the top of the spider's web (the red pyramid thing) and we will shake the net so all the little kids at the bottom will cry.

I wanna go to Changi Airport and sit in the sky train with her for one hour going back and forth.

I wanna take her to my house and play on my PS2 with her and own her in all the games i rock at. The games i suck at will, of course, be hidden under my bed.

I wanna tell her i wanna draw her, and get her to pose all pretty, then i'll just stare at her for an hour and at the end of it i'll draw a stick figure.

I wanna take her clubbing, and we'll retard robot dance till no one wants to dance next to us.

I wanna take her to the beach, and we'll pick starfish. Then we'll throw em at each other, like starfish shurikens.

I wanna round up all the neighborhood dogs, harness em and attach a sled, and take her on the most romantic ride of her life.

I wanna take neoprints with her. But those are expensive, so we'll just stick our heads in other people's pictures and ask if we can get half the stickers for half the price.

I wanna stick her toes in mashed potatoes and gently suck on each one of them.

The last one was a lie just to check if you have been readin my long list or just skimming, HARRRR.

So.... any takers?

...No?

.....You're all Lesbians.

How about a nice, big cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP

ZOMG i played the best arcade game ever. Its called Afterburner or something, didnt really see. But basically you are a fighter pilot and when you pilot the plane your chair tilts left and right depending on how hard you barrel roll. I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest, or maybe that was nausea, i dunno. But still, super awesome. Totally worth $2.

Anyway, people always compliment me on being funny. It's taken years of training, because everyone knows good looking guys dont have to be funny. Us uggos need actual personalities. So here i am gonna teach ya the fundamentals of making the best jokes everrrr!!!

I can narrow being funny down to 4 main points, which i have appropriately acronymed:

A.R.S.E
Anticipate, Repeat, Smile, and Enunciate.

Anticipate: Always prepare and know what your "target" is going to say. Predict his next line, and appropriately prepare a counter phrase!
Example:
Me: Hey Shirley, what are your plans for National Day?
Shirley: Dunno, maybe sleep at home?
Me: HAHAHA AS IF YOU CAN CELEBRATE SINGAPORE NATIONAL DAY YOU MALAYSSIAAAAN

Repitition: Sometimes a joke which sucks the first time is TOTALLY UNBEARABLY HILARIOUS THE SECOND. And third. Possibly indefinitely. That's where "Inside jokes" come from. Doesnt sound like it, but its true. I'm totally serious.
Example:
Me: You love (name withheld) right Godwin!
Godwin: That's not even funny.
(1 year later)
Me:GODWIN LOVES (name withheld)
Everyone: LOLOLOL

Trust me, it's alot funnier in real life.

Smile: A smile can make or break a joke. Sometimes a joke calls for not laughing. Sometimes it does. Always laughing at your own jokes makes you lame. Laughing and then stopping to point a middle finger? Classic.

Enunciate: If you tell a joke, NO MATTER HOW SUPER KILLER IT IS, it ALWAYS falls flat if the person doesnt get it the first time. Proper pronounciation is everything.
Example:
Me: WHAT IS CHICKEN OUTSIDE, FISH INSIDE?
Anyone: I dunno, what?
Me: ayam brand tuna
Anyone: huh? what?
Me: AYAM BRAND TUNA
Anyone: Ohhhh, ok. haha.

Let's be honest, the ayam brand tuna joke is a super killer.

REMEMBER: ARSE!


P.S: Hotmale's GF is really nice! Wish them the best of luck, and that their relationship can survive NS ^o^

Yaw gon learn char-neeze

I went back to my secondary school for it's closing down ceremony, and it was... uhh, whats' the word... starts with an N... n....nnnn.... nostalgi...no wait, NAUSEOUS, yeah that's the word. I had to smile at everyone and tell them to "Go with Christ". When actually most of 'em should go with Satan. Every teacher who i went to talk to remembered me though, mostly because i rained hell upon them. It's the student's who traumatise you who you never forget ;)

Course, there was plenty 'o good stuff too.

Everyone was like, ooh, ahh, so tall, and i got this huge ego boost, which is totally cool. Anyway today i practiced a coupla ways to introduce yourself to people you have not seen in a long time. Lemme spread the wealth, like i spread cheese all over my jam tarts.

1) I went up to an old classmate looking like im hiding from the FBI or something. After he said "hi", i replied with "Is it obvious?" And he was like "Is what obvious?" and i said "That i'm the coolest person in this school, HARRRR"

I got punched in the gut pretty hard, so scratch that.

2) I went up to another guy from my class and i said "OH MY GOD, i was so excited to see Patrick i kissed him on the lips. Is that considered gay?" and he was like super uncomfortable and he was like saying "Uhh yeah i think it is" And i kept looking at his lips and saying "IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I LAST SAW YOU" and he was like backing away, then i like darted towards him and i swear he totally freaked. HAHAHA AWESOME!

Oh yeah, and i had a random conversation with a girl and she told me she did some surfing in Melbourne. So i started humming the beach boys song that goes "dang dang dang dang dang" Not very helpful BUT YEAH it is that surfer song, and i peer pressured her into pretending she was surfing in our canteen. AWESOME!


Oh yeah, and everyone kept telling me i should get a girlfriend. OH PLEASE! Even Val on MSN just told me to just "vaL. ; crap shit. says:
then go get a gf lor."

THEY SAY LIKE JUST GO MAMAK SHOP AND BUY ONE FOR TEN CENTS.

I AM SUPER DISPLEASED, THAT THEY SEE WOMEN AS SUCH MATERIAL OBJECTS AND THEY DO NOT CONSIDER THE FEELINGS OF THE GIRLS AT ALL.

Maybe that line will help me reel in the babes ;P

My cancer hurts

Hello once again, i just watched the latest episode of South Park and i LOVED IT, BEST EPISODE EVER. Because unpredictability in a storyline is what is so lacking nowadays. Same goes for writing. The true test of a writer is unpredictability and not knowing how the sentence is going to end. This means that you somet-


That aside for now, today i want to make a quick list of types of people who i dont like. I know stereotyping is not good, but these bastards deserve it. TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT

1. People who make references to poultry when i talk about "hot chicks" and laugh like they are the most goddamn funny people on earth.
2. Channel 8 drama writers. How is it that they can use the same basic plot for every single show since 1990??! Family with all hot girls cept the oldest, starts out happy and carefree, but then the family meets with an unbelievably large series of unfortunate events, but somehow everything works out in the end, they open a new restaurant/get married/ have a baby/ all of the above, and end the series with ribbon cutting infront of new said restaurant. LAME.
3. People who go "THE CEILING" when you ask them what's up. And then of course, they laugh like they are the goddammniest funny people on earth.
4. People who think i am lame. I am not lame. Unless by lame you mean "Super totally awesome, sweet, and SUPER cool." Calling me lame when i am in fact, Super totally awesome, sweet, and SUPER cool makes you look Super lame, lame, lame, and SUPER lame. Faggot.
5. I... i-i think we should have a rule. Lists dont have to be 3/5/10/20/50/100 items long. We should be allowed to stop at 4 if we only have 4, right?

Anyway, i thought of a totally awesome plot for a new Channel 8 drama. There are no murder scenes, drunken rape scenes, sister slapping scenes, or any other slapping scenes, no suicidal girls, no ribbon cutting, no loan sharks, and no Xie Shaoguang. Wanna see such a script? OKAY LETS GO!!!

speling is fnu

Oh crap.

Have you ever had the feeling that you had something totally awesome to blog about, then forgot?

Oh wait, nevermind it just came back to me. But before that i have some official things to take care of, a few pubic- publick- public announcements.

Firstly whenever i typo publick, its obligatory that i go WHO WANTS A TASTE.

Secondly, this is to whoever the "Annoymous" who posted in my tagboard is.

I was deeply moved by your post, the words were like poetry attached to an arrow and shot through my heart. Actually, your words were like crap slung through a slingshot which hit me in the crotch. But i got the last laugh! You can't even spell Anonymous! Maybe you mean to be Annoying, i don't know you. I never claimed to. Seeing as how you are Anonymous.

Thirdly, to all of you who read my blog but don't tag, not forcin ya to, i mean hay guys we're all friends and theres no I in TEAM but the more you tag the more i write so GODDAMN TAG OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL RIP YOUR HEARTS OUT AND FEED YOUR CARCASSES TO... i can't think of any threathening animals on hand, my house doesn't have cable so i don't watch Animal Planet.

Lastly, because my minions demanded it i added a little song player thingy in my blog. Anyone who says i have bad taste in music SO HELP ME GOD I WILL PUNCH YOU SO HARD IN THE CROTCH YOU WILL SUDDENLY FORGET YOU HAVE A RELIGION AND PRAY TO EVERY KNOWN GOD IN THE GALAXY. (btw i love jazzy songs by suave guys. They make my heart melt.)

Anyway back to the story thing. Sorry this post is going to be so long you could have an outer body experience, take a crap and come back and still be reading it but It's a really awesome story. It has everything. It has Me. Me in any situation makes for an awesome story. Why, even Me brushing my teeth is epic and definitely 4-part novel turned successful movie with eventual tv series spinoff-worthy.

Annnnyway, today school ran till 6pm and our teacher gave us a break at 5pm, so i took the chance to slip out for a quick drink at the vending machine downstairs. There aren't any people around Block S at 5pm, and i proceeded to buy a can of Sprite Ice (Not a fave drink, but vending machines arent renowned for their wide selection of beverages) and proceeded to open it infront of the lift.

Only that someone must have been humping the vending machine, because my Sprite Ice erupted all over me. My pants, my hands, and the floor. So as i stood there in a totally empty hallway with Sprite Ice still spewing out of the can, and as i wondered if things could get any worse, they did. 2 girls walked past.

So picture this. You are with your friend walkin' and talkin' about, oh i don't know what girls talk about, what's the latest look for fall, or how at the previous "Single and Available Girls of 2006" meeting the vito to generally boycott me was once again passed, AGAIN I DON'T KNOW TAKIN' SHOTS IN THE DARK HERE, anyway imagine you were walkin' and talkin' and you stop infront of a lift and you see some dorky kid in a disturbing haircut with a red pro-communist shirt, in a pair of wet pants with a can of spewing over Sprite Ice. Oh, with a facial expression that says "Oh God, so that's how. That's how this situation could possibly be worse. And i'm even smiling abit because my crotch feels cold." What would you do in such a situation?


Personally, i would mace me. Pepper spray, stun gun, beat when down, accept medal for apprehending world's creepiest loser. But no. One of the girl's smiled sweetly and offered me a piece of tissue.

You'd think such an act of kindness would touch my heart, and turn me away from my evil ways, but sadly no not really. I'm freakin' thankful, but not changed. Need something more drastic to change. Like a close encounter with death, or a vision of Hell.

Maybe there is a balance. Like for every Angel in the world, there is a Devil. Or like for how every pants wetting dork there is a girl with a piece of tissue.

That's my big story! If you are moved to tears, please make a payment out to Twang Kuanyi. I have PayPal. Okay, not really. But i wish i did. AND BUY MY DAMNED DVD OF SAID INCIDENT.

I gonna slappa your face

Every thousand blog posts, comes a blog post so moving,
so inspirational,
and so tear jerking,
That the world is in awe of it's magnificence and the post goes down forever in the history books.

This is not one of those posts.

Nuh uh.

Today i was home alone all day. There was nothing for me to do, save for slapping aftershave on my face and screaming infront of my mirror. Naw, i was super sick today (cough up phlegm with blood-super sick) So i was basically a comatose patient. Ain't much to do around here, and a certain gay said that he enjoys reading my blog when he is bored at work, so i decided to whip out a special post for all ma homies. Let it never be said that Kuanyi does not answer to the cries of his minions!

today i shall mimic the writing style of all the blogs i frequent, using the above paragraph as a rough guide. LETS KICK THIS PIG!

Zhan Sheng's Blog
Distinctive features: No use of capital letters or punctuation

hello blog today i was home alone okie i abit bored like the movie home alone LOL but then it because i very sick so i stay home today ming tiong say my blog very funny i abit happy so i write more gd and make u all happy y i dunno LOL i like to drink waterlemon juice

Terence's Blog
Distinctive features: Excessively huge font sizes for t3h win
Today i was ALONE.

so SICK.

GOD, PLEASE HELP ME RECOVER.

PLEASE.

PLEASE.

PLEASE.


Well those are the only 2 who have distinct styles :/ if any of you see any unique posting styles, keep me informed so i can rip on them.

Hope i recover tomorrow.

Till next time, ride safe, and stay off drugs.

I'm not here to judge, i already decided you are a jackass.

So.


I went to Terence's big Danzation (not coming out of the closet ceremony) yesterday, and i have to say, he rocked pretty hard. I know, damn, he practices like, everyday, but i didn't expect him to be THAT good. I'm somewhat envious of his dancing thing, but i still have my drawing thing >_> cept my drawing thing doesnt help me hook up with chicks...


God damn you, terence.

P.S: Your facial expressions need work. You looked bored :/ other wise really cool. heh.

P.S.S: Mommy's Boy of the year 2005 called, he wants his title back. HA HA HA.

P.S.S.S: Your performances inspired me, hope to do some cool art soon.


Oh yeah, Daphne Khoo sang like 4-5 songs, which was pretty cool, only i saw her all the time at MediaCorp. I think seeing celebs dont surprise me no more =[

That's all i have to write, everything else that happened after that is not worth blogging about. Not because it was boring, but i dont like dissin' people in my blog. Heh.

Cept you, terence. you are special. I'm gonna go spread gay propoganda in your blog now HARRRR JASSOOOOON

Lurk MOAR

My Dad: Aiyun, come talk to me for awhile, we haven't really talked for some time.
My little sister: NOT NOW PA, I'M GOING TO TALK ON THE PHONE TO MY BOYFRIEND.
My Dad: ;_;


So anyway the routine is getting old. I tell you about fucked up things i do to mess with people, add a brief possibly-humorous tagline and pray u all rofl. Well no more. I won't spoonfeed you fags anymore. Instead lets play a game. It's called "Guess Kuanyi's Motives!" Basically, i'll tell you what i did, and you try to guess why. Try to see within the mind of a psychotic enigma.

1) I told some visiting JC students that "Only people who pay NYP school fees are allowed to use our elevators."

Reason: _______________________

2) I repeatedly called our Class Rep gay for 2 hours, severely crushing his self-esteem.

Reason: _______________________

3) I made an elaborate "skip off school 4 hours early" plan, but wussied out when i reached my school gate.

Reason: _______________________

4) I beat up Godwin with a bunch of friends, after which i declared we have become "Blood Brothers" after having forged "deep friendship on the battlefield".

Reason: ______________________

5) I sat on the floor in Newton MRT, dressed like a guy who just got fired and ate instant noodles, staring intently at people who stared at me.

Reason: ______________________

Did you attempt to understand the way i think?! Didja?! Ready for the answers? Here ya gooo!

1) Because i hate visiting JC students.
2)Because it is fun.
3)Because i suddenly didnt feel like it.
4)Because i like punching.
5)Because i wanted to see who would be more embarassed, me or them.

I'm not all that complex after all, am i O_o Anyway i think having a good reason to do something is not necessary. If i can get so much as a snigger i would totally beat up a kid and steal his ice cream.


Anyway, tabulate your score.
0 points: You don't know jack! No, no it is figurative speech, my name is not Jack. anyway, GTFO.
1-2 points: If you know me, i'm embarassed to know you. Cos all my bastard friends..
3-4 points: ..know me this well.
5 points: This is probably me taking my own test. In which case, hey good looking.

That took longer than expected, i will now go check if the kid i beat up and whose ice cream i stole is still breathing.

*snigger*

In your face world

(Click to enlarge pic, it is somewhat related to my post. And it's funny.)


Today i watched Constantine the movie in the library, and i'm proud to announce i did NOT jump at the part when the bus came out honking super loud.

Even tho i did the first time.

I think experiences make us so much stronger. Once bitten twice shy.

NOT REALLY!!!!

I still jump every single time i watch The Mummy (the part where the corpse suddenly comes to life and rooars)

I still cannot tie my shoelaces so that they don't come out after <100 steps.

I'm still a cocky $%@^$#@!!!!


Anyway lotsa stupid stuff happened today. I went to school at noon today, thinking i was 10mins late, when actually i was 1hr 50mins early.

I was eating cup noodles and i sneezed, and a noodle came outta my nose and i ate it.


I accidentally flung my chopsticks across the table and nearly blinded some girl (the same aforementioned chopsticks i used to eat booger noodles)

I uncapped my pen to draw all over zs's book, but i forgot daryl had broken said pen and ink was all over my hands.

As the saying goes: "The shit has hit the fan." But admittedly i enjoy such daily calamities, can anyone else boast that such shit happens to them on sucha regular basis?! I think i have a really interesting life. A strange, bizarred, retarded life, but interesting none the less. Hope more shit happens tomorrow :D

P.S: I tried to scare a friend by telling her how creepy clowns are (Imagine: red wig, freakish smile makeup, and yellow teeth) and i had a clown nightmare. (Clowns are SO NOT COOL.)

Cool stuff that happened this week.

(Please click picture to full view)


I beat every single character in KOF XI at the arcade cept for the boss by just squatting and rapidly tapping D.

I didnt have dinner on Sunday, but i ate so much dinner on Monday that i came the closest to throwing up since the last time i did actually throw up.

I played Burnout for 3 hours but couldnt win a single race, got pissed and almost turned Super Saiyan.

People. Tagged. My. Blog. ( I cant believe it either, it's surreal)

Okay that's it for the updates, time to start the post proper.

So today in Comm skill's class i was doodling in my textbook (I was drawing a Picasso-style Zhan Sheng). Then Mr.Puru, my bald teacher, came over and he was like "Hey, are you drawing me?!" and he looked angry. Then i replied "No sir, the guy in the picture has hair." And everyone rofl'd and he kept quiet.

I think it's these stunts i pull that give me bad rep with all the teachers. I'm a fuckin retard, really. But it's just too funny and i can't resist being a wiseguy/smartass/heckler/bitch.

See, teachers always see me rollin', and they hatin', patrollin', tryna catch me ridin' dirty. And they usually do catch me ridin' dirty. But as much as i love substituting the letter G with ', i don't think i have enough "street cred" to talk cool like that daddy o'. No, no, that is not an instance where you substitute the ' with a g. That would make it daddy og. Which makes close to no sense.

Which would not set it so far apart from the rest of this post.


I should stop writing now and run away with whatever credibility i have left.

OH SHI-

What is this faggotry?!

Rahim: "Zhan Sheng, can you give me an example of a chinese proverb?"
Zhan Sheng:"WHAT PERVERT?! YOU THAN PERVERT LAH!"

I nearly split my groin in 2 laughing.

Anyway, Happy Halloween everyone!


A great occasion, where kids are allowed to go out in the dark and take candy from strangers.

Sounds like a pedophile's dream come true, actually.

TOPIC CHANGE!

Today i helped dionne out with her class project or somethin. I was supposed to be like, some movie reviewer, and i had to talk about the movie death note, which i have fortunately already seen. I was abit worried about what to say and stuff, but somehow when they put the microphone in my face and the camera before me the good ol' kuanyi verbal diaohrrea kicked in. I stammered abit and i screwed up at some parts, but i think i did ok. Dionne, if you are reading this, you owe me big time. If i had to say how big, and how time, i would say "universally eternally."

That's all for now, i have to go beat up the Trick or Treatin' Kids i caught and locked in my basement.

Tryna catch me ridin' dirty

Yeeeaaah bwiiiing!!! Time to dig in the old [../Kuanyi/Pics] folder for a lame picture.

lesse...


THERE YA GO!

Okay now down to business. Yesterday while walking home, i asked my friends a pretty simple question:

Me: "Guys, do you think that, if i died now, i could go to heaven?"
(1 second later)
You Loon: "No."
Godwin: "No."
Zhan Sheng: "No."

What shocked me most was the speed of their replies! T__T

Am i really such an evil person? What evil have i committed?!

I do alot of good things too. Like... that time i...

guhh...

Okay whatever.

And why does everyone think i look like L from Death Note?! I don't ok. Everyone came out of the theatre and said i look like L, cept im retarded, blah blah.

Then Grace smsed me saying i look like L.

WTF I DONT OK!!!! Just cos i got eyebags you guys pick on me ='(

I'm bitching about what a crappy day i had yesterday, but honestly, it was really fun hanging out together like tt, catching the movie and stuff.

I miss our old class. We did all kinds of crazy shit. Like how on the first day of school we had lunch in the staff section of the foodcourt. Or how we always used to block peoples way around school. Or how we used to hump people drinking at water coolers.

Wait...

i could think of so many evil deeds but not even 1 good deed i have done?!

I really cant go to heaven... specially since i laughed at *that* picture... you guys know which 1 i'm talking about.

too late to repent ya think? O_o

We understand, Bunny.

Click to enlarge, to get the joke, to laugh at rabbits with no control over their bladders, etc.

Man oh man... I am posting and i don't even know what i'm gonna write about. Guess i'll have to wing it.

*thinks*

Alright. I've decided to talk 'bout suicide.

Today, some kid (disturbed teen, more likely) tried to commit suicide from the balcony of his 7th floor apartment which happens to be 6 floors below mine. His parents were like crying and shit, telling him to come down. Eventually the cops were called and he came down and yadda yadda.

Honestly, i was hoping he'd jump. I know saying that makes me a huge bastard, but just hear me out, ok?

This mellodrama kid climbs out to the balcony in an attempt to scare his parents, and because of his selfish stupidity the cops were called and everyone had to stop their lives just to attend to him for those few minutes.

If he really wanted to die, he wouldn't go "I'M GONNA JUMP, SO DON'T TRY TO STOP MEEE." He'd go quietly to his room, pull out a knife and gut himself.

Or he would go to his kitchen, turn on the stove and stick his face on it.

POSSIBILITIES FOR SELF OWNING are endless, but he wanted a flashy one. WHY?

Cos he prolly didn't wanna commit suicide.

Of course, i am attention seeking just like that kid, just not as disturbed. And i might've told some of you this before, but if i ever want to take my own life, i want it to be flashy, and funny, and scare the living hell out of someone and scar them mentally for life.

Like jumping off the top floor of orchard cineleisure with blood donor packets tied to my body for an extra bloody finale. I will carefully time my jump so that i will land right infront of the path of some kid and traumatise him with the fury of a million clowns.

Many extra examples, but i shall save you all the agony of listening to my overly thought out and flashy exits.

Hm. Pretty long post for just winging it, eh? ;)

I can seriously talk about my feelings too ya know.

How do you know you are passionate about something?

When you face blatant failure/rejection but the thought of quitting never crosses your mind.

Even more so when you feel excited about losing, because you know you are gonna bounce back, stronger than ever.

So strong that when people ask you "Why do you keep trying the same thing" You will laugh at them and shout "BECAUSE IT WORKS, RETARD!!"

So yeah, i didn't get into the top 3 in the Mangaka competition. The winners deserved to win, even tho they are like way older than me. When i went home, i was abit depressed. Who wouldn't be? But after a coupla hours, i felt totally normal. Because i love art. I love drawing. And someday i'm going to become so good at it it'll rock everyone's socks off.

So i had a bath, watched like 10 episodes of Konjiki no Gash Bell, then i picked up my pencil and drew. And omg, it felt good. I would say "It felt even better than sex" but i've never had sex, so i guess... it felt better than pleasuring myself.

OH HE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!!!

So yea, everyone readin this, i hope you can all find something to be passionate about. So, Ter has dancing and HOTMALE and the others have guitar. Coicoi has drawing too of course. I'm just sayin'. Pick a hobby you will love. It's better than sex. Or pleasuring yourself.

My systematic eradication of the human race.

That's it! I, Kuanyi, Creator of all within the void, have grown bored of the stupidity of you and your brethren. How dearly you all cling on to the fabricated lies that are your lives, and desperately swim against the current that is death. REJOICE, i shall put you all out of your miseries!

NUUUOOOOH....!!!! *Insert majestic sequence of me gathering a huge amount of energy, with crumbling earth beneath my feet*

I have cast INSTANT 1 HIT KO DEATH upon you all! You will all die, between the periods of now and in 80 years time. Don't bother trying to undo my spell: It is absolute. THERE IS NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME.


Okay sorry, just so bored. Alittle "God role play" pantomime always cheers me up.


Genocide and my God complex seem to be major themes in my blog. Maybe i should get a new "thing", like taking pictures of people getting wasted at parties or me humping people drinking at water coolers.

How about me humping wasted people at parties, proclaiming i am God before killing everyone in the room?

That would get me like, 10,000 hits man. A day. Making me AN HERO.

Then i can sell my blog for a coupla billion dollars.

Then i can buy mentos, walk backwards, etc.

Ah... the last 2 hours of freedom

WHY HOLIDAYS WHY?! WHY MUST YOU COME TO AN END?!?!?!11111

Why does time fly when you are having fun?

Why must all good things come to an end?

Because life is rigged, man.

THATS RIGHT! The Big Guy up there doesn't want us to be happy. I mean come on, every single cliche'd shitty phrase, they all promote melancholy and boredom.

And my brand new headphones just went *pop* in one ear. That's right, it's the rarely spoken of yet greatly feared buy-a-pair-of-headphones-and-make-them-go-pop-in-a-week problem. Shitty Sony. No not you PS2, no, no, shh.... i love you...


Okay back to topic. I have school tomorrow at 9am and my first class is with an asswipe teacher who gave me a fuckin' D on my final year project. Thanks to him i'm now sporting a GPA so bad I'm surprised that it doesn't come with a mandatory bowl hair cut. My friend said hes an ass in the classroom too, he teaches like a...a... im out of colorful comparisons, so i'm gonna go with, "He teaches like a bitch."

Plus, he knows me. Maybe you people who don't know me so well don't see the impact of how bad this is. A TEACHER, BEFORE HAVING TAUGHT ME IN A CLASSROOM, KNOWS ME.

Usually i have a head start, i get 3 weeks of "Benefit of the Doubt". Then they realise im a lazy bitch and they ride me so hard i have to go to the saddle shop.

NOW?!?!! i get NOTHING!!! ZIP NUDDA SQUAT ZERO ZILCH!

Aw hell. It's gonna be a rough 1st week.

Well, i could always walk backwards into my class when im late, so when the teacher turns around he will say "WHERE ARE YOU GOING? SIT DOWN!" Then i will sit next to a totally rockin' hot chick and offer her a mentos.

And then...

3 kids, 2 boys, and 1 girl... a house in the countryside... a secret bat cave where i keep the neighbors kids who i murder....

Awww.... im so embarassed to tel you all my dream... y'all makin' ma tiny heart go pitter patter!

FUCK OFF, IM GOING TO BED FAGS.

Future looks hazy

Mutha f**kin' haze man.

I TRY TO IGNORE IT BY STAYING INDOORS ALL DAY,

but my mom sent me on an errand.

Damn it's hazy out.

You know who's to blame for haze?

No it's not the Indonesians, or God, or Wind.

IT'S HITLER MAN. And all who oppose the world with free speech.

PSYCHE! Yeah, it's the Indonesians. Put the suitcase away kids, we don't have to move. Yet. It'll be years before the hitler robot is complete.

I would make a cheezy joke like "HAY DIDN'T THEIR MOMS EVER TELL THEM NOT TO PLAY WITH FIRE??" or "KNOCK KNOCK, WHOS THERE? FOREST FIRES." but seeing as how no one gives a shit about that stuff, lets address the more important issue at hand.

I DON'T LIKE HAZE. How much? Let me count the ways:

1)I can't see very well
2)It goes into my lungs and makes breathing difficult
3) It lowers my potency
4)Q: KNOCK KNOCK, WHOS THERE?
5)A: FOREST FIRES.

Wheres that fruity pedo Captain Planet when you need him? ='(

My last MSN convo:

- Kuanyikes [ ha ha, you f**kin fail, just get the f*** out] says:
hay
- tER. twisto under the iron sea says:
i permed my hair today
- tER. twisto under the iron sea says:
foil perm
- tER. twisto under the iron sea says:
oh my Gods
- Kuanyikes [ ha ha, you f**kin fail, just get the f*** out] says:
WTF
- tER. twisto under the iron sea says:
the explosion 1
- Kuanyikes [ ha ha, you f**kin fail, just get the f*** out] says:
all i said was hay
- tER. twisto under the iron sea says:
LOL
- Kuanyikes [ ha ha, you f**kin fail, just get the f*** out] says:
and i get this?!
- Kuanyikes [ ha ha, you f**kin fail, just get the f*** out] says:
THIS ISNT WHAT I FUCKING SIGNED UP FOR
- Kuanyikes [ ha ha, you f**kin fail, just get the f*** out] says:
IM OUTTA HERE FAG


Aaaaanndd.... i'm outta here fags.

The Melancholy of Twang Kuanyi

Ssssssoooo yeeeaaaah.

Have you ever wondered if everyone in the entire world is false? That you are the only REAL human and you are God? And everyone around you was created by YOU?

Maybe not, you must be THIS egotistical to even consider it. (This egotistical being, as egotistical as me ;P ) Yeah anyway, thats the concept for the anime, The Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya. A cute girl is god or the equivalent but she doesn't know it.


I was bored at home so i decided to download 2 gigs worth of anime i heard was exceptionally good. Well the works of Ito Noizi are always good in my book, so i got 'a downloading. I started the download yesterday at 10am, the download finished at 2pm, watched 1 ep.

Omg crappiest first episode of an anime i have ever seen. I didn't know if i was supposed to laugh or just stare like a retard. No prior character introduction, no names given, and the main character only appears at the end! (mikuru beam was cool tho)

So i took a break and power levelled on Disgaea 2 for awhile (level 250 now, tried but couldn't beat Laharl-sama T-T)

And this morning, (or yesterday morning i guess, it's past midnight now) i woke up at 9, turned on my PC ritually and subconciously clicked on the [A.F.K.]Haruhi Suzumiya (1-14) folder and watched episode 2.

Its midnight, i just watched every episode in the series. Granted there were only 14, and i stopped to power level in disgaea 2 again (damn you laharl) but yeah. It's that good.

I wish i could start my own anti-boredom club like Haruhi. We would go around with a video cam and do lame stuff all day. S.O.S brigade? hmm... how about K.O.K (kuanyi our king) brigade?

Well no one would wanna be in a club which has a name which is pronounced "cock."

OR WOULD THEY? ;P

A winrar is ME!!

So yeah. I got a call at 8pm last night congratulating me on being a finalist for the Mangaka 06 competition i recently entered. =D

After a strenous 10 minutes of power nerd dancing, it set in. A WINRAR IS ME!! I AM AN HERO!! Yeah. Well, possibly a winrar anyway.

Teh be a prize ceremony next next sat (14th Oct) Anyone wanna go? Naw it'll bore you guys to death anyways.


I guess its alright to post my finalistic entry here right? :D



Not feeling very verbal right now. Will write more next time. See y'all on the flip side!

I like Sharks

4 days ago i lay in bed thinking about alot of things: communism, whether people in rural countries forgo the whole concept of "cups" and drink milk straight from the cow's udders, and sharks. Sharks.

Leaving my strange story about the very disturbing dinner i had that night aside, armed with a monosyllabic word (sharks. Sharks? sharks.) I began to design and conceptualise and [impressive english word]dualise my new blog template. 4 sweatshop kids died in the making of this site, and as of 5 minutes ago i completed it! (My chair broke so the sweatshop kids got on their hands and knees and i sat on them.)

So feature feature! (im featuring the features of my site, which is quite a feat)
1)Youtube feature (when you say feature this many times you get tongue slack) I put a box up top where i can put any youtube video i like. The current one is Flow - Around the World. Chosen because i like the song, and the blue makes a nice color combi with my blue da ba dee site.

2) My drawing! It took 4 days to make this site, with the sharks and the cats everywhere. I looked high and low on the net but there was no blog template that felt "Me." And everyone knows me is me.

3)uhh yeah thats it.


Since hols are almost over, it's my holiday to do list revisited!

THINGS I HAVE TO DO DURING THE HOLIDAYS
1)Finish my submission for Mangaka (Done aaaand Done.)

2)Draw. Alot. (I have artist's fingers. It's like tennis elbow, but on your fingers. It hurts.)

3)Sign up for driving lessons (I did say maybe. and no i didnt. Another cat spared the death of being roadkill for every day i dont learn driving.)

4)Do something stupid (No one really doubted me on this one.)

5)Make a new blog template (Where have you been for the past 10 paragraphs?! )

6)Catch the biggest wave to ever hit Singapore Shores, "The Ripple". (I rode it and became a surf legend.)

7)Come to terms with my retardedness. (came to terms with it, embraced it, had sex with it, had it's kids, raised it's kids, died, reincarnated, and did it all over again.)

8)Embrace my retardedness. (see above.)

9)Make a list 10 items long. (Oh god how i tried.)

Thats about it for today! oh interesting MSN conversation.

I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
testinbg
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
lol i think i DCed jux now rite
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
i cant see
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
can't tell
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
?!
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
u can't see wat??
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
i cant see all ur typing
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
oh shyt
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
testing
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
testing testing.
can see?
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
wait i RESTART Msn
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
i CANT SEE

I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
ok testing
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
still cant see
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
can see now?
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
AAAAAAAAAAH
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
LOL ARE YOU RETARDED
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
if i can tell u i cant see
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
means i can see right
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
I NOE
- Kuanyi Dark Hero [ SUPER ROCKIN' AGONY KICK!!!] says:
-_-
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
HUH
I wish I had someone call me his '[i]Querida[/i]' says:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN U


She's retarded.

Oh and be the first to tag my new blog and win a lifetime supply of ridicule and low self esteem, courtesy of yours truly!

"Sodomy!" screamed the children in unison

Dumbass Taxi Driver: "Boy, can you please tie up your chicken bag (plastic bag with my take away KFC) I dun wan my taxi smelly."

What I would have liked to say "Sure, why not. Why mask that wonderful aroma of vaporub that fills this shitty cab."

What i said: "Sure, why not."


See? In Kuanyi world, i could say whatever i damn well please. 'Real Shitty World', as i like to call this world, is so dull and mundane.


Maybe i'm ranting cos im too hungry.

See, thats what skipping 3 meals (prior to the KFC, which wasn't much) will do to ya.

I'm a stay at home assclown who stays at home.

My mom refuses to cook.

Do the math.

Seriously. Okay so i have put together a script for a potentially box office rockin' movie. It's called "We starve on the front lines." it is a war movie.

Sarge: PRIVATE! Do a check on all the food in the pantry. We have starving soldiers out there!
Private: SIR YES SIR! (leaves room)
Private: (10mins later) I RETURN SIR!
Sarge: Excellent. Report!
Private: SIR! The fridge contains 3 week old stale whole meal bread, 1 slice of stale ham, 1/4 of a pluart (plum/apricot hybrid freak fruit),3 crab sticks, enough tuna to feed an ikan bilis, the wrapper of a chocolate bar and 2 bottles of mayonnaise.
Sarge: GOD DAMN! How about the cupboards?
Private: Sir! a packet of WANG WANG, a bottle of ribena, and 20 packets of instant noodles.
Sarge: Any eggs?!
Private: YES SIR! 3!
Sarge: We won't last to see the sun set... tell the soldiers to eat roots. I have somewhere important to go...

Scene change: Seargant is in his private quarters drinking water ( no alcohol around)

Dear Emily, for dinner i had 3 undercooked soft boiled eggs (forgot how long i put em to boil so i just took em out) and 3 crab sticks. The situation is bad, we're starving. I have an inflated tummy like those kids in war stricken countries. Tell my kids im sorry, goodbye.

(Seargant dies, and the hungry recruits eat his carcass before eating each other.)


Seriously, THATS MY HOUSE. AND THATS HOW HUNGRY I AM GRRAAAAH.


accepting donations O_o

Pig + Cow + Bear= Threesome

Usually, i will try to justify my stupidity by using big words like "battling logic" or "pumping yourself up."



But i can't resist. Here and some tasteful pictures we took during our schooling time.

It always hurts the first time.

OH SHI-!! Damn, this isn't what it looks like! I'm probing them for anal lice!

I really miss the days when i would just waltz into Cheers in NYP, rearrange the toys into positions that would make the writer of the Karma Sutra proud, and walk away laughing and whistling.


That felt good, really. Now i can get down to business.

THINGS I HAVE TO DO DURING THE HOLIDAYS

1)Finish my submission for Mangaka
2)Draw. Alot.
3)Sign up for driving lessons (maybe)
4)Do something stupid (too easy)
5)Make a new blog template (gettin sick of the orange, i'm thinking purple or white. Ideas? :D )
6)Catch the biggest wave to ever hit Singapore Shores, "The Ripple".
7)Come to terms with my retardedness.
8)Embrace my retardedness.
9)Make a list 10 items long.

It's gonna be a busy holiday! I'm drawing everyday and i'm hoping to finish my character designs soon. I did 1 character design, it looks pretty cool. When i color it and post it i'll holla atcha boys.


Finally, last thing i have to do before i can go enjoy my Fish and Co. Lunch.

Cover of office copy of 8 Days





















Cover of Office Copy FHM













Can you see it? They're wearing the bloody same top! It's sad that MediaCorp reuses wardrobe clothes, in the same week no less! And i bet they didnt even wash the tops first!

In case you are wonderin', yes they had the same stylist genius by the name of Fong Fan do it. It's sad, because they are even wearing the same grey underwear/hot pants.


GOD, me and my boss were laughing so hard at them.

Can you imagine their reaction when they saw the other magazine?

"Damn, that bitch is wearing MY clothes!"




Peace Yo.

It's Goofy time

-IMPORTANT UPDATE-

Tomorrow after work, i am going to coronation plaza to print t-shirts for my co-workers as a farewell present. This is the design:



Much bigger of course, A4.

I won't mind in the least helping you guys (my classmates, or anyone else who is interested) in printing one. For a small price of $15 (if it's cheaper i will reimburse you the extra)

So tell me if ya interested, by latest 530 tomorrow!

Cheers.


=======

Remember how i promised i would post more if my dad didnt go "Goofy Time" on me?


He did.

Well sorry to disappoint.

But i had totally hit a low point in my life.

I mean, i saw no point in carrying on. Life was bleak.

And THEN!


I saw one of 'em motivational posters.

It gave me hope.




NOPE, WRONG POSTER SORRY.






Yessss..... YES YES I CAN FLYYY DAMMIT!!!



I made that poster, and you can too!

Go to this site and start inspiring!!!

Someday, you may cause a kid on life support to un-plug his IV tubes.

O_O

...Murderer....

Kuanyi is here to pump you up

Do you know the reason behind my limitless strength and infinite vigour? I SHALL TELL CHIU EVERYTHING. Like in that movie... what was it called... confessions of a a... something..... yeah.



(Picture editing by me ;)

THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO GET PUMPED UP!!!

Can you feel it...? That sensation in your pants chest? Can you feel your heart rate increasing? Do you feel the unrestricted urge to hunt for penguin flesh??

THATS RIGHT!!! THAT'S MY SECRET!! ADRENALINE!!! Oh my god, in the wrong hands it could keep a single person on a masturbating spree for days on end.

Not that i've tried it. That's how the saying goes.

PUMPIN' UP YO! Now that you've discovered that you too can get pumped up, don't you feel empowered? enraged? douche?

I can help you with that. Here are more pics to PUMP YOSELF UP.




If you suddenly feel like you have the strength of a bear who has the strength of two bears, you are not alone! This pic makes me wanna ruthlessly perform pelvic thrusts into walls!




CLASSIC pump up picture. Channel your hatred towards all things squiddy.

Will continue tomorrow because its time to head home. in the meantime, control your new pumped up powers. Use it wisely MOARR!!!!!


Wait... confessions of a teenage drama queen? OH GOD FUCK no not like that!!!

Miasmic.

You know, i have so much to share. I have, in my not immediate possession, over 20 very hilarious photos. Like losers in gundam suits, or a girl saying "HAY GUYS WHATS GOING ON".

But all those pictures are at home, not here.

So what's a boy like me to do, with all these feelings that i want to express, but can't?

Why, i bottle them up inside for 3 hours, and turn emo. Replace the emptiness with hatred.

Let's KICK THIS PIG.

I can hear your voice from beyond the depths
But it is just your voice, i can't feel you.
Your icy breathe lingers on my neck.
The hollow void... that is my heart.
I will travel to where you are
I shall journey, across the borders of the earthbound
To the deepest abyss for you.
My soul screams for you.
So i destroy this fabricated lie that is my body.
I discard my ties to the physical world
and transcend to the metaphysical.
Goodbye, Mom, Dad.
I'm alone.
I'm cold.

Will post more when i get home.

That is if, this doesnt happen.

The waaay overdue Birthday Post

So many surprise parties, so many false surprised expressions!

I mean, come ON.

Who the HELL lets the birthday boy see the cake before they throw him a "surprise" party?

Not complaining tho :P

Anyway so after Colin (boss) took me and Shi Hui out for a subway lunch (whee) we came back and then they threw a party for me! It was really touching, i think i wept a single tear. There were cakes n snacks n everything.




Don't i look like the happiest guy ever?


And then they ruined everything by printing out a picture a gay insisted on taking with me ='(




The words on the paper say "We couldn't find a babe hot enough for you, so we didn't. Happy Birthday to Intern of the Year, Twang Kuanyi. From all of us."

They think calling me "Intern of the Year" will grant them free passage to go and print pictures of me and gays! And even use photoshop filters on it! Where is the Intern Union? I need to complain ='(

I'll write about my outing with ma buddies for dinner when seetho sends me the pictures. Till then, i still have cake leftover *greedy eyes*

Faggin' up da streets

If i had a game named after me, that would be the title.

OKAY WAIT HOLD IT. I read in the straits times lifestyle section last sunday that bloggers are all self-centered.

Whoever wrote it is writing in a publick (who wants a taste) newspaper.

And she doesn't want her opinion heard, no siree.

Which definitely means that shes not self-centered, no sir!

And it's a good thing she's not, cos it'll make her a stinky hypocrite.

Well i'm here to prove her wrong! I'm not all that i care about! Even though i am awesome, sweet, and super cool.

AW NO STOP IT KUANYI! CONTrOL THE URGES! YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION 'COS YOUR MOM DIDN'T HUG YOU ENOUGH AS A CHILD!


Ok. Let's talk about other people.

Terence.

What a fag he is!

I mean seriously.

I'm not saying he's a pedo, but i mean the guy is 19 and he makes websites titled "bookieshelves" with pictures of little girls.

Hes a horrible fuck excuse for a human being.

[obligatory compliment]But overall he's a nice guy. [/obligatory compliment]

That'll teach ya to tell me to go to hell in your blog!

...wait...

OH MY GOD! THE BITCH WAS RIGHT!

I MADE THIS ALL ABOUT ME AGAIN!

WHY? WHY AM I SO FIXATED ON ME??

It's a disease i tell you.

I should be locked up and kept away from the general publick (no, seriously, who wants a taste)




But do you think i deserve a bit of self indulgence on the day before my bday? :P