The great art disaster post

Pencil broken. Sketchbook pages depleted. Left to die in a ditch. Kuanyi wept a single tear, and wondered if he would ever draw again.

And he- i mean, i did! I did draw again! Plenty! I decided to move to doing pure digital work instead of using traditional pencils. It was alot of work getting used to doing everything in Photoshop, but i think it payed off! Now i won't have to run to the other computer everytime i want to scan something to colour. And this means, lucky you, you get treated to more eyesores. Heres what i've been up to.


Strawberry Jam by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART


Duo by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART






Aaaaand here are what i like to call the "5min monstrosities". I did these pieces in 5-10mins apiece. Just because i can!






I like this. No talking. Just pictures. Me likey. BOW CHICKA BOW WOW.

21! 21! 21!

HAHAHAHA I ARE 21! Look at my clever photoshop skillz. Took me only 2100000 hours in photoshop.

I'm 21 years older than i was 21 years ago. See? Maturity has allowed me to make more redundant statements. Take that, people who doubt my mental maturity age is not equal to my physical age. Well, it actually really isn't. See, another redundant statement! I'm on a roll!

In the interest of fulfilling a many year running tradition, i shall give myself the only birthday present i will receive this year! I wonder what it is! I am so excited!




OH WOW!!! YOU DREW ME A PICTURE! I LOVE IT, THANKS! Awww... group hug...

Anyway i know i said i was gonna re-do my blog template by my birthday, but you know me. I am procastination personified. I'll do it... well, whenever i damn well please, thank you very much!

While we're at it, heres some other stuff i've been up to this week:


Draggin' the Dragon by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART

Oh yeah, if anyone was wondering what is with that "what is art" post, my friend nudged me into joining the competition which is hosted by her workplace. Its a voting competition though, and i just couldn't bring myself to cry and give puppy dog eyes and ask you guys to vote for me. I respect you all too much as individuals. HAH.

I shall now conclude this very rojak-type post with some words of 21 year-old wisdom. Perk up your ears, and listen well! You are about to have an epiphany!

"Early to bed, early to rise."

"Time waits for no man."

"Too many cooks spoil the broth."

Ahh... nothing refreshes my soul more than watching the enlightened looks on all your faces.

Renovating

uhh yup. Finally getting around to getting a new template for my blog. In the meantime please love and enjoy the very broken version of my old blog, which got h4xed, by yours truly. Hope to have the new blog up on my birthday.

Lotsa love,

Certainly not me

POST 101!

My God. This post right here, is the 101st of this most foul blog. How i didn't get shut down after entry no.4 or 5 is beyond even me. But wow. Feels like ages. I feel like i just found my first grey hair.

In celebration, today i shall cover the most important question all of you ask yourselves on a daily basis. Probably the only reason why everyone comes to my shithole blog. If i had to use a colorful analogy to describe my blog, it would probably be "As out of place on the internet as that sex shop in Sim Lim Square."

I shall touch on that point later. First i would like to make a shoutout to a friend from primary school, Valerie Teo. I think thats her name, i am almost as sure of that as i am that my grammar is not incorrect, that it shouldn't be "I think that's her name". Anyway i feel freaking bad because she added me to friendster but i barely recall her. I would like to think that a powerful magician befuddled or bamboozled me to forget most of my primary school classmates. But powerful magicians don't exist. Just plain old magicians who can pull bunnies out of hats or levitate like, 5cm off the ground. The kind who buy their cheap $5 tricks from "Gumbo's cheap tricks to amuse five year-olds." So sorry, Val. So deep is my repentance, i was thinking about writing a poem as an apology, but i didn't. BUT I CONSIDERED DOING IT.

What was i going on about again? OH YES. The most important question. Why you all come to my blog. The question is: *drum roll*

YOU ALL WANT TO LEARN TO BE LIKE ME!

You don't wanna admit it, you sly bitches, but deep down you want to know what makes me so damn cool. My X-Factor. Luckily for you, it's your lucky day! The knowledge i am about to impart to you is nowhere near as redundant as using the word lucky twice in the same sentence.

Like i said before in my MSN nick: "Kuanyi is not a name, or a person; Kuanyi is a LIFESTYLE."

Never a truer word haveth beeneth spoke-neth. Anyone could become a Kuanyi, with the proper training, an open mind, and 10 easy payments of $99.99. Here are some key highlights to changing your boring loser lifestyle into a dynamic, action packed KUANYI lifestyle!

First and most importantly,

A KUANYI doesn't have fun, unless at someone else's expense.

If you see someone fall down, and you don't laugh, you are doing it wrong. Laugh extra hard with bonus points at the following:
1)They fall down multiple stairs
2)The groan in pain after
3)They don't groan, or make any noise after
4)Other people are laughing too

Going out on weekends is STRICTLY prohibited. A true Kuanyi finds plenty more humor on the internet than in real life.

A KUANYI never gives a shit. If you have an exam the next day which you haven't studied for, or if you are being charged with illegal drug possession as well as grand theft auto, DON'T GIVE A SHIT. That stuff isn't important, man. You can cruise through life on your quick-wit, your flashy smile, or a well placed boo-boo face.

KUANYI'S occasionally throw in a random act of kindness. When you can sense people are starting to hate you, clean the slate by unexpectedly doing a favor, or giving good advice when the last person they expected to hear it from was you. This way you can get away with all the shit you do. You clever bastard.

Of course, learn about all this and more with the 9 easy payments of $9.99. What? It was 10 payments before? Yeah, thats because you just made one payment. What, did you think i would dish out these nuggets of wisdom for free?

HAHAHAHA. See, that is me, laughing at your expense. Now cough up the Yusof Ishak's.

Proving them wrong, proving me right

There was once a time in my life where i was considered an idiot. Not unlike Einstein, or Thomas Edison.

One day, when i discover the cure for cancer, or something of equal importance, the following will be an extract of my biography, titled "Kuanyi: the secret behind the man whose genius is no secret."

"At the precious age of 15, one day in school Kuanyi was listening to his boring geography teacher talking about how people use ONLY 50-60% of their potential brain power during their lifetimes. Kuanyi then raised his hand and corrected the teacher, saying "I read somewhere that we only use 10%, actually." "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!" bellowed his teacher, which was pretty impressive for someone aged 50+ and was physically incapable of turning her head more than 10 degrees left or right. Every one of Kuanyi's classmates began chanting "Retard, retard". But deep down Kuanyi was not embarassed. No. If anything, he felt like he had to prove all 31 of those morons wrong.

So later in the day, he once again raised his hand during a math lesson and inquired again to his math teacher. "How many percent of our brain do we use in our lifetimes?" His question was followed by a general murmur of "Not this shit again" but his teacher seemed somewhat calm about it. "All of it." he replied. Gawd. He was even stupider than his geography teacher. Kuanyi then inquired "I heard 10% leh. Is that true?" But his teacher smiled coyly, and replied: "Maybe that only applies for you." The class burst out into laughter. How quickly those single cell organisms leapt at the chance to try to prove they were smarter than him was nothing short of hilarious to him. His pulsating cerebelum made a mental note, that one day he will google it, and make them all look, for lack of a better term, pretty fucking stupid."

WELL THAT DAY IS TODAY FOLKS. An extract taken from a book entitled "The Human Mind" by Professor Robert Winston reads as such:

"But under the microscope we can see [the brain] contains an extraordinary number of cells. Some are neurons, the cells that do the work of thinking: roughly 100 billion of them. Only a small proportion of brain cells - probably about 10 percent - are neurons, however. They need a supporting structure of other cells, and these are called the glia. The early anatomists thought of the glia as a 'glue', hence the name. "

As explained by a user on a forum (hendy), in a nutshell:

"So there you have it. The neurons - the cells we use to think - are only about 10 percent of our brain. Hence, we only 'use' 10% of our brains!"

I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO I TOLD YOU SO .

hahaahahahHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

45 degrees... and rising

PHALANX TIME!!! HELL YEAAAH!!!

Inside joke, heh. Chances are, you won't get it. Unless you are someone from the inside. But enough of that.

Today happens to be Terence's birthday! WOW! 20 years of faggotry. I still remember the first impression i had of him when i first saw him on the first day of poly orientation:

"A dumb shit with oversized nostrils."

Well, needless to say, with time, my impression of him changed.

"A dumb shit with oversized nostrils and an afro."

Oh, and i still have the photo he sent me of himself when he was in secondary school. It is funnier than every single picture i have ever posted as a header image on my blog. Here it is.



Oh shi-! Thats not right. Dammit. Here we go.



Wait that ain't right. Sorry. I keep looking at the thumbnails, i get easily confused. Here it is.



Theeere we go. The exact same thought runs through my mind everytime i see this picture.

"LOLOL FATTY."

Tomorrow also happens to be my friend ZHI WEI's birthday. Why does his name get to appear in caps? So he can find it easily if he ever comes to my blog (unlikely) and wonders if i ever blog about him. HUANG ZHI WEI. Yup. For easy indentifying. Anyway, zw turns 20 tomorrow too. Maybe his voice will hit puberty this year! Ha ha ha. I kill me.

Happy Birthday to both you faggots! Maybe in another 365 days you might be one step closer to being as cool as i am now. Of course, by then, i would have gotten even more cool than i am now, so if our cool levels were grafted on a chart, they would be 2 parallel lines that would never intersect. Because i will always, ALWAYS, be cooler than you ever will be. BAWWWWWWWWWWW. ;_;

Today started at 12 midnight. I was exactly where i am now, sitting in front of the computer. I got off at around 3am. I was gonna get off at 1, but then all of a sudden i began drawing something really cool. I was like "OH MY GOD I AM CHANNELING PICASSO" but in the end i guess i was channeling picasso's blind step brother Dwayne, because it turned out like shit. When i woke up at 1030am, i was so fuckin sleepy i couldn't form a single coherent thought.

So, operating solely on instince, i crawled up the stairs to go get a cup of water. But i only made it as far as the living room couch where i collapsed and slept till 12. After that i went to bugis as usual, played marvel vs capcom 2 as usual, walked around with yl and zs as usual.

Today we ended at around 9. Since i still felt sleepy as shit, i decided to try to get a cab back. But some dumb shits kept cutting infront of the taxi queue. Don't you hate it when you are flagging a cab at the taxi stand, and people walk to the bus stop infront to try to flag a cab and hijack it? It pisses me off like hell. Worse still when it happens like 5 times in 1 night. Which it did tonight.

So at number 6, i got pretty goddamn pissed. I walked right up to the tard (A business man, around 30-40) with little disregard of whether or not he was gonna slug me one. I tapped him on the shoulder and i said "Hey there buddy, trying to get a cab?" Smiling like i was trying to be nice about it. "Yeah, i am" he replied. "Do you know about the taxi stand behind us?" I jerked my thumb towards the taxi stand in a passive aggressive way." "Yeah, i saw it, but there was a bus parked ther-" "How about me? Did you see me queueing there?" I interrupted him in mid-sentence. Not a sliver of the smile i had falsely maintained earlier in the conversation. He looked like he was gonna make some piss-poor excuse for himself, so i pointed at another tard looking guy loitering around. "See that guy over there? He's trying to cut queue and get a cab before me too. But he's trying to pretend like hes not. He shouldn't quit his day job to go to Hollywood though, it is that obvious." I shouted real loud. The loitering tard straightened up, without turning back, and sort of half shuffled into the shadows.

By now, Tard no.6 looked freaking scared. He knew what he was dealing with now. Not a man. Not a beast. A MEAST. "Ok, ok, very sorry. You can get a cab first." The smile returned to my face. "Thanks, buddy." He took 3 steps back.

Shortly after, a whole family of fatties appeared. The overweight mom tried to flag infront of me. I shouted "HEY!" Not giving a shit if anyone thought i was crazy. She turned back. I jerked at the back of the queue again, and she and her family looked like they were about to shit bricks. At that moment, tard no.6 flagged a cab. "All for you, man. Have a safe trip home." He said to me as i got into the cab. "Thanks, i replied, and shot the family of fat fucks another glare of pure hatred. I told the story to the cab driver, who found it fucking funny. We laughed like fuck. And then he told me about how he was a navy diver, and how he dived for corpses and puked after.

What is the moral of this very long story that most people will skip anyway? I'm fucking intimidating. And if anyone ever tries to cut queue before me again, I PITY DA FOOL.

Peace out friends <3

Yet Another Random Post

Today's friendster horoscope happened to make me lol.

Leo
In need of an ego boost? Avoid the world of celebrities and stick with your people.

That is basically saying you guys are all such shits and have such pathetic lives, that looking at you losers makes me feel better about myself. LOL.

Horoscopes are getting surprisingly accurate...

Anyway, nothing much interesting happened this week. That is a lie, of course. Interesting stuff happens to me every week without fail. Because i am many things, a retard, a homophobe, a bad dresser, and a possible psychopath killer-in-the-making, but i am NOT boring. Its just that i don't feel like talking about it.

Oh. One thing comes to mind. I hate working with Indera. He always tries to scare me. It all started on my 3rd week of work or so. I stalked him to the toilet, and scared him shitless when he came out. You all know how easily startled i am. So revenge for him is all too easy. Just by randomly shouting out "HADOUKEN" while we are working, i get scared shitless. I am serious. It is that easy. I nearly choked on a sandwich once. So today i tried to take revenge. I snuck up on him when he was cleaning the inside of the microwaves. I shouted as loud as i could "SHOOORYUKEN!" And he shouted "AHHHH!!!!" in fear. However, his cry of fear in turn scared me, so i shouted "AHHHH!!!!" back. And then we just stared at each other and like 5 seconds later, burst into laughter. It was fucking funny. Apparently he thought that the microwave had exploded or something. And i was going to ask "Which microwave explodes with the noise "SHORYUKEN!!!" but i couldn't because i was laughing too hard at how i self owned by getting scared when i should have been scaring him.

Well, that is all for now. I have to go back to singing Bowling For Soup's "High School Never Ends" Real loud to piss off my sisters.

HIGH SCHOOL NEVER ENDS! OH OH! OH OH OH OH! OH OH OH OH, OH OH OH OH OH! HEY!

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME!

You give luuurve... a BAD NAME!! *rawkin guitars wail*

I started off pretty randomly, but i think it goes unanimously that is the single best way to start off a blog post.

Anywhunk, it has been a horrible week for me. Stuff keeps going wrong, i mean i can tank one or two bad occurences, but like 6 or 7? Even the sweet smiling Kuanyi you all know and love can quickly turn into a very angry emo mascara-wearing raging... something. I started off with too many verbs, look where it got me.

Yeah, one of my biggest worries would be me getting a new handphone. Took 4 visits over the course of a week to FINALLY return victorious, with a Sony Ericsson S500i held gloriously above my head.

1st trip, i realised the line was under my dad's name, so i couldnt upgrade my phone without a letter of approval from him.

2nd trip, i realised that in order to upgrade my phone, i needed to wait 21 months, not twelve, before i was eligible for the discount. I was 2 months short on my line.

3rd trip, my sis let me use her line to upgrade my phone, but that FAT, UGLY, PIMPLY, MENTALLY CHALLENGED, BARREN PSYCHOPATHICAL BITCH (wow! many many verbs) at the Singtel shop in Bugis REFUSED to let me change my phone. Why? Because apparently, theres a hidden rule about phone changing in Singtel. I have to be 21 to collect the phone on my dad's behalf. I am 23 days shy of being 21. But the bitch wouldn't let me. And she was rude too. She was like snappy, and was like "I don't have time for you now. NEXT." I nearly snapped her spinal cord in half. If my martial arts master hadn't made me swore on his death bed to never use my Shaolin Kuanyi Fist of Sodomy on civilians, the bitch would be dead.

So anywuluka, i then went to the arcade with you loon, indera and sebastian to play drummania to vent frustration by hitting the drumset way harder than it should be, and by playing marvel vs capcom 2 with the fury of the Hulk. You know the Hulk, right? Not the pussy from the movie. I'm talkin about the comic book Hulk. The one with fuckin' hardcore veins poppin' out of every temple, with furious eyes and the clenched teeth that just say "Ima fukkin dislocate every bone in your body." I actually beat indera and you loon today. Maybe by channeling my rage, i actually became stronger. That or the 3 hours i put in a week training the game at home. Anyway, after they left, i decided to try going to the Singtel Hello shop in Orchard to try changing my phone there. But i needed a game plan. And i had to dig deep to utilise my most deadly asset. Well, second most deadly. Not allowed to use the first. Dead master, swore on death bed, etc.

So there i was, singtel shop in Orchard. I saw two information counter staff: one male, one female. The male was pimply, be-spectacled, and looked overall like a freak. The female was borderline attractive, and a prime target for my trump card. I waited in line till the guy was preoccupied, and went to the female to deploy my death laser.

So here is how you do it. Here is how you act cute your way to a new mobile phone. Not everyone can pull it off. Mostly, you need no dignity whatsoever.

It begins with pretending to trip, and then smiling sheepishly and saying "oops." Shrug with a twisted mouth. If she smiles, JACKPOT. This is where you employ step number two. Speak clearly, declaring what you want. But don't come on all demanding. "Is that okay?" in an almost "i'll cry if you say i can't" way is a good start. If she smiles and says "Of course", JACKPOT. This is where step three, possibly the MOST CRUCIAL part of this excercise, comes into play. DISTRACTION. I don't like whining in front of singtel shops like "awww, PLEASE, ONLY 23 DAYS MOREEE" is alittle demeaning, even for me. So i made small talk. What the small talk was about is between me and her. After my "performance", Zhi wei appeared out of nowhere with his aunt, and said he had come to get a new phone too. Luckily he wasn't there for my first act. But when i had to see the next customer service officer, he caught a glimpse. I gave her the ol' puppy dog eyes, just in case. He laughed at me and said "wtf r u doing". WELL WHO IS LAUGHING NOW, I HAS A NEW PHONE LOLOLOL.

I can see it. All of you. Silently judging me.

Yeah it's about time!

Haven't been blogging, usually i say "sorry for the delay" but i'm not really sorry! No remorse this time! yep.

Then usually, to start off the second paragraph i use a badly mutated version of Anyway (e.g "anywhacooka") But not this time! No! Today i break out of all my old habits. Start afresh. Like a beautiful butterfly being reborn out of a cocoon into a beautiful butterfly. What, did you expect me to refer to myself as a caterpillar? yecch.

Stuff is pretty good for me i guess. I'm trying to organise a class outing for my sec 1 group of friends, but its really tough. Most of those guys have ninja-class cloaking skills. not listed on friendster, or anywhere. Of course this isn't made easier by the fact that i lost my yearbook back in the great fire of '05 (CNY, burn stuff, he he) and i have the memory of Drew Barrymore in 50 first dates. But it's all good, i guess. I miss some of those people, and i wonder what they are getting up to these days. Although it probably will not be half as interesting as my glamarous life (Playing pokemon and whatnot).

Speaking of pokemon! My team is so uber 1337. Pikachus cannot impede me. I will not be bested by any 8 year old. You get the point. I just had a match, and i clean swept my opponents 6 pokemon with 2 pokemon alone. all one hit KOs. I am the mightiest of the mighty.

Here are the Sensational six on my team, and alittle backstory on them:


Rhyferior the Rhyperior
Looks like: A very fat bipedal rhino.
Backstory: Back when Rhyferior was a weak rhyhorn, i found her being circled by black market hunters. Despite her smaller horn, they knew they could sell it to some sick chinese for grinding into a probably ineffective medicine. I told rhyferior i would save her, but only if she agreed to fight for me till the day she died. She seemed hesitant at first but when one of the hunters starting loading his bolt-action rifle with tranquilizer darts she reluctantly snorted in agreement. I gave the hunters like, five bucks each and they left. Since then, we have trained day and night for victory. And everyone knows rhinos don't wear shirts. They f**kin charge your ass.

Hemorrhoid the Heracross

Looks like: A beetle. A blue beetle.
I got Hemorrhoid's mom in an illegal pokemon trade. She was in bad shape, so i had her put down. But not before i forced her to conceive close to 200 children (pokemon breeding, look it up) and out of the whole lot of those worthless maggots i picked out hemorrhoid. I let him watch his mother being put down, and if you think beetles don't cry, you were wrong buddy. But i had to send him a message. I don't know what the message was but it was sent. Hemorrhoids has been my trusty brutal insect since, and between him and rhyferior they are the horniest pokemon on my team.

Patrick the Starmie

Looks like: A what-are-you-over-compensating-for, too many points starfish with a red gem

Patrick was once a free-range Staryu who enjoyed the open sea and vast ocean. Now it lives in a 50cmx50cm fish tank. I caught him out at sea one day, and now it lives a sheltered life of captivity. Patrick has since been my fast ice-beaming rapid spinner.

Jaggerjack the Marowak
Looks like: A freak dinosaur with no skin on his face. Carries a club.
Jaggerjack's mom was also attained in an illegal trade. But the bitch was weak, so i had her put down as well. But unlike with hemerrhoids, i didn't tell Jaggerjack the truth. I told him his mom had gone to Malaysia for holiday. This had an even worse effect on him psychologically as compared to hemerrhoid's case, because in some cases Malaysia is worse than death (no offense). He is now very mentally unstable, using his own femur as a weapon to club others. Yes, he is that hardcore.

Ninjarg the Ninjask
Looks like: A naruto-wannabe wasp
The 2nd fastest pokemon, Ninjasks make great pokemon for setting up the match. Unfortunately Ninjarg's dad who i caught in the wild was anything but fast. With a broken wing, i could have put him out of his misery. But i didn't. In fact, i broke all his legs just because. Then i drained the blood from it, and bathed Ninjarg in a mixture of his dad's blood and faeces. This had a traumatic effect, as i predicted. With whatever sanity he has left, he uses to fight for me. I'm glad i share such a close bond with him.

192.168.1.65 the Porygon Z
Looks like: A cyberduck. Intimidating.

192.168.1.65 is a pokemon from cyberspace. He has over 1024mb of ram, and an intel duo core processor. But one day he got sodomized by a backdoor program. He has since been unable to sit down.

Thats about all of my pokemon! There are many more which didn't make it to my team, but those are my main six. See, pokemon is about love and the bond of trust. By believing in my pokemon, they surprise me with straight victories! I have yet to be defeated, by the way :P

Thats all then! See you next time pokefans! Pika Pika!

Them's the price of being me

Eeets nort eaaasy... to bee-hee meeeeeee....

Anyhonkohonko, sorry for not blogging for so long. Wait, why am i apologising!? You guys don't deserve an apology! Nor do you deserve this super awesome post! To even share a shred of my super-duper life with you losers is more than you could ever hope for! Reading this post for five minutes will probably be the peak of your meaningless existences!

... oPpIe... sowwie my brother came and typed that... not me ar... kEkE~

Anywunchkins, here is a mega post. "It is so big!!!" If you can just pause for 5 seconds to say that infront of your computer, like you mean it. Yep. I've had alot on my mind for quite some time, so heres some of the stuff thats been bothering me.

#1: World's sickest, most disturbing dream.

Sometimes you have a nice dream. The nicest dream i ever had? I was flying. More "frog styling" in the air, but yeah. But the ultimate sickest, most perverse and disturbing dream i had was just last week. I think that no one in the world could possibly have a dream this disturbing. If you think you can top me you are welcome to try. But seeing as how none of you share a similarly disgusting lifestyle as me, it is unlikely you will succeed. Anyway, here we gooooo:

It starts out with me being a girl. Yes, thats right. I was a girl in my dream. I didnt check out my privates, or see if i had boobies, but yeah. I think i was hot tho, because i was raped. Did i mention i was six years old or so? I guess that makes the guy who raped me a pedo. Anywugga, this freakazoid guy not only raped me, but dressed me in a BUMBLEBEE suit. Like, you know that GROW milk ad from a coupla years back? Yeah. i was dressed as a bumblebee. So anyway, after the female me was brutally raped wearing a bumblebee suit, i told my dad. And my dad told our family doctor. Then the family doctor was like "Oh that was MEEEE" and my dad punched him and he flew out the window. but i think he lived. At this point i woke up. And this is the freakiest part of all. When i woke up, i wasn't like "Awwwww SICK" or even "WTF was with that fucked up dream" but i LAUGHED. Cos it was freakin ridiculous. And i swear i will NEVER eat an entire family bar of Cadbury's Fruit & Nut chocolate before going to bed ever again.

#2) Retard of the Week award

I should really start a "Retard of the Week" corner in my blog, to give praise to those who deserve a standing ovation for being able to live so long even with permanent brain damage. Of course i would win almost every week, so why bother? Here is this week's retard:

Indian woman at Delifrance: Scuse me booooy?
Me: Bonjour ma'am, what can i get for you?
IWAD: What is thees item? *Points at a chocolate croissant, with the price tag next to it clearly stating "CHOCOLATE CROISSANT"
Me: That is a chocolate croissant, ma'am.
IWAD: What... what is inside the chocolate crossaint?
Me: I would have to imagine, chocolate, ma'am.
IWAD: Is it... is it sweet?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
IWAD: Okay. *walks away*

#3 Various short Delifrance stories that don't fit in anywhere

I heard on the radio while i was cleaning tables at night, Jean Danker announcing that "Clear video footage of the Loch Ness Monster has been found!" I ZOMG'D and wiped those tables like the wind. I rushed home, got on my PC, google'd "Loch Ness Monster" And there it was: the headline "Clear video footage of the Loch Ness Monster found!" So i clicked on it.

And there it was, a picture of a woman with her legs in the air. A dud article. A parody. The parody news article also ended with a false homosexual conversation between george bush and tony blair.

DAMN YOU CLASS 95 KEEP YOUR LIES TO YOURSELF! JEAN DANKER I'LL NEVER BELIEVE YOU AGAIN

Number of injuries sustained from working: 4 burns, 3 scratched knuckles, a bruised foot, and a bruised ego.

I cant pronounce 1/2 of the freakin' french names for the pastries. And no one else can, either. We just say "Can i have one of the black pepper thingies?" or "That potato-ey thing... yeah. one." This one time, an ang moh asked if i knew how to pronounce the name of one of the items. I replied "This job didn't come with free french lessons, and i ain't french!" and he laughed and replied he didn't know either.

Some other jokes i make with patrons:

1) The hardest part of the job is getting rid of a bad case of "Beret Hair" after work.

2) Want me to cut your baguette for you? (This one is pretty one-sided)

3) (While wiping tables) Believe it or not, this job isn't as glamorous as it appears.


Thats all i got :| i just wasted 35 mins typing out my innermost thoughts for you ungrateful wenches! Not even one of you, in reality, deserves even a second of my time!

...

oPpIE... my brother came and- ah screw it, it was me!

6 weird things about me, 6000 creepy things about me

So i saw terence did this "6 weird things about me" on his blog. Those are the least of his problems. Here are some i would like to add to his list:

7)Spent his entire childhood thinking that the transformers animated series' opening theme song goes "TRANSFORMERS... ROBOTS IN THE SKIES"

8)Does this "abang.." malay accent while in trouble to try to make us laugh when we are ready to kick his ass. It is his defence mechanism.

9)Doesn't download his own music, tries to get friends to download 'em for him because "he is afraid of getting caught."

Well don't sweat it, think of all these stupid traits as a tiny snowball rolling down a hill. At first, it's not very big, but eventually it picks up speed, rolls over a dog or something, then it grows into this 10m high mass of snow. Before you know it, you're like freakazoid whizzing through cyberspace. No, there is no relation between a snowball and freakazoid, but i like freakazoid HE HAS LIGHTNING IN HIS HAIR

Anyway, here is my list of 6, because THIS IS MY BLOG, AND TERENCE DOESN'T DESERVE MORE AIR TIME THAN ME

1)I am twenty one years old (check it homie) but yet i have little/no comprehension of how the female mind works. I STILL think that opening with a story about how i am sure that mermaids are real, but don't really use shells for bras is a great ice breaker with any member of the opposite sex.

2)I find it hard to laugh unless the story involved contains retardation, some form of questionable-homosexuality, people getting hurt, people getting fatally wounded, or my personal favorite, an amalgam of all of the above, being possibly-gay people getting hurt due to acts of retardation.

3)I cannot sleep without my hallway light on. Because then i am positive the ghosts are gonna come get me. I also sprint from my kitchen to my room when the house is dark, just in case a ghost is sneaking up on me.

4)I jump at movies, like physically jump in my seat out of fear. But how do i jump in my seat out of fear when i don't even watch scary movies? Well, because i am afraid of sudden loud noises. Here are a few classic moments my classmates remember:

i)Constantine, at the part where Constantine says "We're going to hell" or something, and a really loud bus goes "BEEP BEEP" behind them. That is one scary bus.

ii)Batman begins, when the old fogey car maker goes to Bruce Wayne and says "It's just a regular old hummer" and smiles. Then the scene immediately changes to batman in the hummer, going really loud like "ZWEEEEUUEUEUEEEEEEE" and scaring the beejeezus out of me.

iii)Spiderman 3, just 2 weeks ago. Parker was riding his scooter and got pulled off his bike by the goblin jr. very suddenly. In my defence, i assumed spiderman had spider sense, so i wasn't expecting him to get surprised!

5)I listen to the same song for HOURS on end. Or days. Sometimes when i find a new song, it is put on repeat on my winamp for the entire day, and if i go out it is on repeat on my ipod. May take from 2 days up to 1 month to break the ritual, depending on how quick i get sick of it, or if i find a new favorite song.

6)I borderline on retardation. Seriously. Imagine this: I am working at Delifrance, and i need to make someone a sandwich. Steps are as follows:

i)Put uncut baguette on chopping board.
ii)Wear glove on right hand.
iii)Use my left hand to hold the baguette, while using my right hand with the glove on to hold the knife and cut the baguette.

Add more in my tag board if you wanna add any to my list :) That's all for now. DoTA calls. Some noobs are gettin' an ass kickin' TONIGHT! HOLA ESPANOL CHING CHONG GOMEN NASAI PREPARE FOR A BUTT WHOOPIN'! HOLLAAAA

Super! Amazing! The great translation battle!

Getcha face away from my foot by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART
There's this one song i've been listening to relentlessly for the past couple of months. Crystal Kay's "Konna ni Chikaku de", which translates to "When we're this close", or something. Anyway, today i shall perform an amazing stunt and attempt to translate as much of this song as i can. After i translate this, i will post the real translation here so you all can see just how badly i suck. It's an amazing stunt i'm doing for charity! Think of the kids on this one, Kuanyi.
First, the song in question: (Best to listen while reading my translation)



Second, the romanji (Japanese words in english, this is for my reference. I still have not seen any translation. I wonder how this is going to turn out ^_^")

Koi ga setsunaito
Sugu soba de kitsuita ano yoru
Datte hoka no dare yori
Anata no koto wo shitteru kara

Itsumo no sarigenai
Yasashisasae kono mune wo shimetsuketeku

Konna ni konna ni chikaku de mitsumetemo
Doushite doushite tada no tomodachi na no?
Donna ni donna ni tsuyoku omotte itemo
Tsutaerarenai you don’t understand.
I’m so in love with you.

“Genki nai yo ne?”to
Anata kara iwareta shunkan
Namida kakusu akubi de
“Nebusoku ka na?” tte ii wake shita

Ichiban taisetsu na
Hito ni uso wo kasaneteku … ima no watashi

Mainichi mainichi mune ga kurushi kara
Ikutsumo ikutsumo nemurenu yoru wo koe
Hajimete hajimete deatta ano hi ni mata
Modoreru no nara ii no ni…
I’m so in love with you.

“Aishiteru” to tsugetara kitto
Mou nidoto egao ni wa modorenai kamoshirenai
Keredo mo tomodachi no mama tsukuriwarai wa
Kore ijou watashi dekinai kara

Honto wa honto wa zutto suki datta no
Itsudemo itsudemo aishi tsuzuketeta no
Anata ni anata ni todoketai kimochi wo
Aoi sora he to sasayaita
I’m so in love with you.

Konna ni konna ni chikaku de mitsumetemo
Doushite doushite tada no tomodachi na no?
Donnna ni donna ni tsuyoku omotte itemo
Tsutaerarenai you don’t understand.
I’m so in love with you.

Now, my translation!

Love is so painful
I realised that when i was by your side that night

But, no one else can understand you like i can

The way you are kind to me everyday
Makes my heart want to explode

Why is it that when we are so, so close
We are still only friends?
My feelings are so, so strong
I just can't tell you how i feel
You don't understand,
I'm so in love with you.

"Are you healthy today?"
The you at the moment you asked that
Made me want to cry
"The usual, i guess" i replied.

The most important person to me
I can't believe i'm lying to him.

Everyday, everyday, my heart is in pain
I can hear your voice at night, keeping me awake
The day we first met
How i wish i could return to that day.
I'm so in love with you.

We probably couldn't return
to the smiling days if i told you "I love you"
But the pain thinking of us no longer being able to be friends
at this moment, makes me unable to confess to you.

I really, really will forever love you
I will always, always never be able to move forward in love
your very far away feelings
are like the blue sky
I'm so in love with you

Why is it that when we are so, so close
We are still only friends?
My feelings are so, so strong
I just can't tell you how i feel
You don't understand
I'm so in love with you.

Woo woo. that was tough. Now let's see how i did. Here's a translation from a site:

I realized that love was painful that night by your side
Because I know you better than anyone else
Your everyday kindness
Makes my heart ache

Just like this, I look at you from up close
But why, why are we only just friends?
No matter how strong my feelings are
I can’t convey it to you
You don’t understand
I’m so in love with you

The moment you said "You look down"
Hiding my tears by yawning, using lack of sleep as an excuse
Right now I’m always lying to my most precious person

Everyday, everyday my heart aches
I’ve gone through so many, many sleepless nights
Ever since the first day we met by chance
If only we could return to that time
I’m so in love with you

It’d be nice to confess and love you
Is it impossible to go back to our smiling faces?
Although remaining as friends and not confessing might be better than love
Because I’m not able to do it anyway

Truly, truly I’ve always loved you
I always, always want to continue loving you
I want to send these feelings to you
I whisper them to the blue sky
I’m so in love with you

I made a coupla errors but... think i did okay :P See the weird thing is i've had this song for months, listening to it almost daily, yet i never once wondered what the words meant! Alittle weird huh? And in case i'm wondering, i'm not listening to this song in my bedroom, sitting on my bed while hugging my big teddy bear with a box of kleenex next to me, crying my eyes out. No unrequited love i'm trying to confess here. It's JUST A SONG DAMMIT

Will write moar when... well, when i damn well feel like it :P toodles!

Best Day EVER (For Real)

Today was the best day of my life.

Sadly, i am writing this in a notepad document. Why? Because blogger is spoilt. I can't see the editorial page. Never fear, Kuanyi of the Future will copy and paste this into blogger if it gets working. Thanks in advance, future me! (Honestly, what a good guy.)

Anyway, back to my stunning opening line. Today was the best day of my life. That line may sound alot more diluted, because it seems i say that at least once a week, but today really rocked. If i had a time machine i would live today over and over.

And over.

And ooooooorrreeeeeooooosss oreo or-ree-oh, oreo!

Okay enough. Anywhachooka, i shall give the winning formula for a best day evarrr:

1)home alone all day

2)working internet connection

3)instant pizza and maggi mee

WIN WIN WIN, WIN! AND WIN!

TWANG KUANYI, COME ON DOWWWWWNNN!

Lemme go over. My parents are in Turkey or something. So that leaves me and my lil' sis (big sis is in australia). Lil' Sis had her 1st year anniversary with her bf today, so they went somewhere fancy. YAWNZORZ. Who cares. HOUSE TO MYSELF! I walked from my bathroom to my kitchen, naked! Totally awesome! WOW! And did i mention i woke up at 1030am?! WOW! Usually my Dad is shouting the house down at around 9, so this was awesome! And i woke up with the :3 face and i went "nom nom nom, iwam hungwee" SUPER LOUD and no one called me a retard! And then, i got on my computer. DIDN'T HAVE TO DO CHORES FIRST. I re-read 3 volumes of Hajime no Ippo (did shadow boxing around my house after) And when it was lunch time, i ate my famous legendary SZECHUAN HIDDEN IMPERIAL SEVEN TREASURE MAGGI MEE. WITH AN EGG. WOW! I said "nom nom nom, :3" and i ate. while watching anime. And no one scolded me.

BUT WAIT, THERES MORE! After that i drew. And drew. And drew.

And drew

And dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww carrey! (sorry that joke sucked, i'm alittle high)

I was sketching girls. It's alot like sketching guys, but with bigger eyes, longer hair, smaller waists and boobs. Oh and no pen0rz. Not that i usually draw pen0rz. Oh yea, and drawing their clothes is a killa. Seriously. Even after 4 hours of uninterrupted (*angels singing*) drawing, i couldn't come up with an outfit that says "cute in a 16 year old way, but not goth or slutty". I need to work on that.

Anywhucka, dinner time came a callin', tootin' his horn (toot toot) And so i baked a totino's instant pizza in an oven. ALL FOR ME. NO ONE ELSE GETSA SLICE. As i sat full-sprawled on my couch that is meant to seat 3 people, with a whole pizza on my tummy like an otter, watching old Scrubs episodes, i came to realise that i was at the very peak, the very pinnacle, the ZENITH of my pathetic existence. And then i went :3

Oh jaa, then i played a game of DotA with you loon. We were playing a 5 on 5 game, when one of our teammates quit, making the game a 5 on 4. We asked the game host to recreate the game, so we could get another player, but he refused. Shortly after, another of our teammates quit, making the situation a dire 5 on 3. No one ever wins a 5 on 3. Ever. So i was about to quit. My finger was on the quit button. Seriously. But i thought, "Nah, let's humor them alittle."

THE HOST SHOULD HAVE REMADE WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE! WE WON BIG TIME BABY! AHAHAHAHA!!! The perfect end to my perfect day.

Lets recap how many rules i broke today when my parents were away:

1)Woke up after 10
2)Didn't do my morning chores
3)Played on the computer for more than 4 hours
4)Didn't eat a proper lunch
5)Walked around naked
6)Drank straight out of the orange juice carton
7)Didn't eat a proper dinner
8)Didn't do my evening chores
9)Didn't go for my evening excercise
10)Sat on my couch with my legs on the white sofa
11)Used the computer past midnight
12)Swore out loud
13)Went :3 (Not a rule, just frowned upon)

THERE YOU HAVE IT. THE ULTIMATE DAY. Lord knows if i have ever had a better day. Or will have a better day. Maybe future kuanyi will know. Hey, Future Kuanyi,
If you are reading this, think hard if you ever had a better day!

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, DAMMIT

FINE! Here is your big, shiny post. Rejoice minions! I haven't had the time to blog recently because i've been going through alot for the past week, it's been really rough. This might be the single most depressing week i've ever had. Yesterday i went to a primary school friend's birthday party but left my bag behind, now i have to go walk to marina-fucking-square and get it back, AND I HATE WALKING TO MARINA-FUCKING-SQUARE! Its so freakin far to walk! +++ I LOST MY IPOD. Yeah. I don't know how but my one true love has left me. So as you can see i'm having a pretty shitty week. Oh yeah and bad stuff is happening to my dad too, so naturally he is taking it out on me at home too. Yippee.

Still feeling alittle upbeat though, getting depressed and emo is not my style! I am bewildered at my own inability to get depressed. Maybe i'm too retarded to get depressed. Maybe i sold my soul to the devil and he took away every human emotion i had except sadistic pleasure. Maybe i'm still livin' on a prayer (oooooo we're halfway there) that somehow when i go collect my bag later my iPod will be inside.

Maybe somehow i'm hoping a cute girl will come to me on msn and console me and make me feel better and eventually we will grow to be more than friends, get married, live in the suburbs, have kids, and die together on a rainy saturday morning at the age of 74.

HAHAHAHA LOOKS LIKE THE DEVIL LEFT ME DELUSION.

I AM A GREAT MAGICIAN

Purple Sunrise by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART

YOUR CLOTHES ARE RED!

GEGEGEGE GET DOWN!

Who's saying hello to my pervert-pistol?

Today i want to tell you the truth behind the re-read value of my blog.
I seem to have alot of regular readers, which keeps me going.

If you are one of the regular readers, you may be wondering why you just can't stay away from my blog.

You think it's because i'm funny, and i open each post with a hilarious, mostly post-unrelated picture, that i address issues that "kids these days" can identify with.

Or maybe that you are obligated to read my blog, because you are my friend.

YOU ARE WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! +1 more WRONG for being WRONG 4 times in a row!

The truth is i put subliminal messages in all my posts. That's right, you think you are laughing at my jokes, but you aren't! You think you are bookmarking my site, you aren't! HAHAHA FOOLS I HAVE YOU COMPLETELY IN MY GRASP!

If you still don't believe me, here is some evidence!

extract of my blog, 100%


extract of my blog, 1600%



extract of my blog, 200000%

If you still don't believe me, try not visiting my blog for two weeks!

Of course, you will probably spontaneously combust.

But hey, i'm no scientist.

Just a psycho subliminal message user who will someday use this blog to conquer the world.

SPIN ON~ :3

Oh my God.

OH, my God.

Oh MY God.

Oh my GOD.

Yes i know i just said omg 4 times, each time emphasizing different words in the same sentence, but yeah, i just watched the most amazing anime ever.



Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

I laughed. I cried. I got so pumped i thought i was gonna burst a vein. Now i'm gonna give the line that's gonna make sebastian and francois go watch this anime if they haven't already. FROM GAINAX, AND THE ANIMATORS OF FLCL. Yeah. They probably stopped reading here to go get the torrent. Fags.

Anyway the anime is so awesome because the guy on the left (Kamina) is the biggest badass i've ever seen. He is somewhere in my top ten of all-time favorite characters, from any book, movie or real life. He has the stupidest lines (Don't believe in yourself! Believe in me, who believes in you!) And he strikes the freakin coolest poses ever. I think... uh oh... i think i'm turning gay for Kamina.

The boy in the middle is what sealed the deal for this anime. FLCL and NGE were chocked full of emo indecisive boys. Simon is neither emo or indecisive. For fear of giving away further spoilers, i will just leave it at that. GO DOWNLOAD AND WATCH THIS ANIME NAO.

Anyway, if anyone wondered why i haven't been online for a coupla days, i was in Malaysia for the weekend. I would tell you what happened there, but the mere thought of Malaysia makes me shiver and uncontrollaby urinate. (Yes, i was watching the movie Ransom cuz i was so bored).

Will write moar when i feel like it.

Magic Trick tiem luls!!!

Kadmiel by ~prinnydo0d on deviantART




Boy by ~prinnydo0d(Thats me you idiots) on deviantART

...tadaa!

Its not like it's wedding on ice!

Did you know that the reception is gonna cost $80?!
WHAT $EIGHT-FUCKING-TY-FUCKING-DOLL-FUCKING-ARS?! ZOMG $^@$%@#!!!!!!111

Why are they getting married?! To make other peeples lives miserable?!
Yeah, its not like it's wedding on ice!

Why are they making crappy TV shows?! To make my life miserable!?
Yeah, its not like it's After Hours on ice!


Between Channel 5 showing that ad all day, and trying to pimp "The Dance Floor" to us, i have nothing in my heart but resent for ads. Why would i vote for the Dance Floor? Its not like it's dancing on ICE!

I'm sorry. I have sunken deep into paranoia thanks to The Number 23.

This is a picture of how i look now.


KUANYI (11,21,14,23,9) and my birthday (4,8) adds up to 23! ZOMGWTFBBQ!!!!1111

I literally shat bricks when i found out.

and then i sat in a corner and moaned in agony about the mindfucking i had just given myself.

But then, i decided to come over and blog because this isn't brick-shitting on ice!

Anyway, for those who i told, our dear friend Elmooooooooooooooooo has yet to reply once i pasted the link to the site to him on IRC. Once he does, or doesn't, im gonna rofl and share with you guys :)

Anyway, I gonna go now. After all, this isn't disney on ice.




... yeah.