Alright, so i was reading in the newspaper yesterday about bloggers who can make up to $6k a month blogging. And i think it is a freakin' outrage that i am not. If anyone deserves to make a living off writing shitty comments about the world that have little factual basis and yet are strangely captivating to read, it should be me!
So i think a few changes are in order in order (yes i just used order twice in a sentence, testament to my intellect) to make this blog a superstar one. I have read all of those celebrity blogs and i have defined a necessary pattern for me to be able to retire by the age of thirty.
1)SCANDALOUS!
I've been trying to stay away from current events in my blog because i know what they do to guys with pretty faces like me in jail. WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN! You can't get rich without taking a few risks. Ask Martha Stewart. OH SNAP!
So umm.. to start off... geez... okay okay.
So i went to STOMP.com.sg, right? I was thinking, find some current affair, give my opinion that the average person would never agree with. This is to create an outrage in the readers head. Of course once i become a national celebrity, the position is reversed, so that readers will think "MAN i must be a really cool guy because i think the same way Kuanyi does!"
Unfortunately, my plan backfired. I just have to say, STOMPers, YOU ARE ALL TWO FREAKIN' CRAYONS SHORT OF A FULL BOX!
Wait thats a... yeah! That counts as an opinion. Moving on!
2)PICTURES OF HOT SELF WORKIN' IT
So i need an average 20 pictures of myself in each post, captioned with "feeling bored", "i'm such a cam whore LOL", "juz gettin crazy with ma pals", "He's such a sweetie pie!" etc etc. Mix in some sepia and black and whites, and i'm good to go. Also, every 10 posts or so i JUST have to say "testin out a new cam..." because every good cam whore buys a new cam every month.
Good backdrops: The club, In cars, at the beach, at home, playing with:
3)DOGS
Every celeb blogger worth his/her salt has a dog. remember: the ratio of pictures of yourself: pics of your dog = something like 1:1. And remember, if your family names your dog something like "ah huat" you must make sure to change it in your posts to something cute, like "Bao bao cha", "Colonel Sanders", or "Jigglypuff." Secondary nicknames are also okay, like "Bao bao cha can be such a Pringles pup sometimes ^_^" IT MAKES NO SENSE, BUT PEOPLE CANT HELP BUT DAAAAAWWW...
Once i have done all of the above, all thats left is to take a picture of myself, like, eating a can of pringles (you can tell i've got a craving right now) and then Pringles is gonna send me an email asking me to advertise for them or some shit. AND THEN I AM IN. SHIT IS SO CASH.
Oh, right, only one problem with my plan. I'M 5 FUCKIN' CRAYONS SHORT OF A FULL BOX.
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