Eeets nort eaaasy... to bee-hee meeeeeee....
Anyhonkohonko, sorry for not blogging for so long. Wait, why am i apologising!? You guys don't deserve an apology! Nor do you deserve this super awesome post! To even share a shred of my super-duper life with you losers is more than you could ever hope for! Reading this post for five minutes will probably be the peak of your meaningless existences!
... oPpIe... sowwie my brother came and typed that... not me ar... kEkE~
Anywunchkins, here is a mega post. "It is so big!!!" If you can just pause for 5 seconds to say that infront of your computer, like you mean it. Yep. I've had alot on my mind for quite some time, so heres some of the stuff thats been bothering me.
#1: World's sickest, most disturbing dream.
Sometimes you have a nice dream. The nicest dream i ever had? I was flying. More "frog styling" in the air, but yeah. But the ultimate sickest, most perverse and disturbing dream i had was just last week. I think that no one in the world could possibly have a dream this disturbing. If you think you can top me you are welcome to try. But seeing as how none of you share a similarly disgusting lifestyle as me, it is unlikely you will succeed. Anyway, here we gooooo:
It starts out with me being a girl. Yes, thats right. I was a girl in my dream. I didnt check out my privates, or see if i had boobies, but yeah. I think i was hot tho, because i was raped. Did i mention i was six years old or so? I guess that makes the guy who raped me a pedo. Anywugga, this freakazoid guy not only raped me, but dressed me in a BUMBLEBEE suit. Like, you know that GROW milk ad from a coupla years back? Yeah. i was dressed as a bumblebee. So anyway, after the female me was brutally raped wearing a bumblebee suit, i told my dad. And my dad told our family doctor. Then the family doctor was like "Oh that was MEEEE" and my dad punched him and he flew out the window. but i think he lived. At this point i woke up. And this is the freakiest part of all. When i woke up, i wasn't like "Awwwww SICK" or even "WTF was with that fucked up dream" but i LAUGHED. Cos it was freakin ridiculous. And i swear i will NEVER eat an entire family bar of Cadbury's Fruit & Nut chocolate before going to bed ever again.
#2) Retard of the Week award
I should really start a "Retard of the Week" corner in my blog, to give praise to those who deserve a standing ovation for being able to live so long even with permanent brain damage. Of course i would win almost every week, so why bother? Here is this week's retard:
Indian woman at Delifrance: Scuse me booooy?
Me: Bonjour ma'am, what can i get for you?
IWAD: What is thees item? *Points at a chocolate croissant, with the price tag next to it clearly stating "CHOCOLATE CROISSANT"
Me: That is a chocolate croissant, ma'am.
IWAD: What... what is inside the chocolate crossaint?
Me: I would have to imagine, chocolate, ma'am.
IWAD: Is it... is it sweet?
Me: Yes, ma'am.
IWAD: Okay. *walks away*
#3 Various short Delifrance stories that don't fit in anywhere
I heard on the radio while i was cleaning tables at night, Jean Danker announcing that "Clear video footage of the Loch Ness Monster has been found!" I ZOMG'D and wiped those tables like the wind. I rushed home, got on my PC, google'd "Loch Ness Monster" And there it was: the headline "Clear video footage of the Loch Ness Monster found!" So i clicked on it.
And there it was, a picture of a woman with her legs in the air. A dud article. A parody. The parody news article also ended with a false homosexual conversation between george bush and tony blair.
DAMN YOU CLASS 95 KEEP YOUR LIES TO YOURSELF! JEAN DANKER I'LL NEVER BELIEVE YOU AGAIN
Number of injuries sustained from working: 4 burns, 3 scratched knuckles, a bruised foot, and a bruised ego.
I cant pronounce 1/2 of the freakin' french names for the pastries. And no one else can, either. We just say "Can i have one of the black pepper thingies?" or "That potato-ey thing... yeah. one." This one time, an ang moh asked if i knew how to pronounce the name of one of the items. I replied "This job didn't come with free french lessons, and i ain't french!" and he laughed and replied he didn't know either.
Some other jokes i make with patrons:
1) The hardest part of the job is getting rid of a bad case of "Beret Hair" after work.
2) Want me to cut your baguette for you? (This one is pretty one-sided)
3) (While wiping tables) Believe it or not, this job isn't as glamorous as it appears.
Thats all i got :| i just wasted 35 mins typing out my innermost thoughts for you ungrateful wenches! Not even one of you, in reality, deserves even a second of my time!
...
oPpIE... my brother came and- ah screw it, it was me!
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